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Desperate Working Mommas
Your one-stop site for fanatical television snarking, questionable political analysis, occasional attempts to address the parenting issues facing working mothers, and halfhearted promises to stop obsessing about the entertainment industry, already! Oh, not to mention the random bitching and moaning. There's always that.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
In the 80's, everything was copasetic.

Feeling nostalgic. That is all. Feel free to add to the list, if you are an old duffer like me. And Shaun (Hope you had a happy b-day, Mr. Kristine!).

Things I Miss from the 80's:

1. Seeing 95 pounds peeking out at me from my scale. *sigh*

2. Cruising for boys on Gurley Street with my homies, blasting the remix version of Billy Idol's "Catch My Fall" (killer bassline, y'all), sipping Sundance Sparklers (nonalcoholic!), screaming "Memory! All alone in the MOOOOONLIGHT!" every time we passed by the scene of a make-out or break-up. Of which there were several. Ooooh! And "Old Man Driiiiiiver!" (to the tune of "Old Man River") whenever we passed by guys WAY TOO OLD to be out cruising. Of which there were several. Huh, Di?! Huh?!

3. My ginormous Esprit and Guess? bags, which held everything from my Adventures in Literature textbook to my clunky cheer shoes to five or six really radical to the max cassette tapes to my assorted jelly bracelets and banana clips. And sometimes my lunch.

4. Rainbow-colored eyeshadow and blue mascara. And blue eyeliner, of COURSE. Duh.

5. Wham! The Wham Rap? Classic, y'all. CLASSIC. I still know all the words. Ask anyone. Go on. Try me.

6. The Solid Gold Dancers. No, seriously. LOVED. THEM. Wanted to BE. THEM.

7. Saying "psyche!" Oh, and "freak!" Wait...

8. Star Search. When it was GOOD.

9. The Brat Pack.

10. Crimped hair, big bangs, strategically placed headbands, bangle earrings, and Swatch Watches with jelly Swatch Guards.

11. Cyberpunk Max Headroom. CATCH THE WAVE!! 'Member, guys?! Do ya?! Dude. That was totally our Homecoming slogan one year. Go, Badgers!

12. Atari. I mean, c'mon... Frogger? Pitfall? Hello?!

13. Spandex biker shorts under my paint-splashed, acid-washed denim mini. It just LOOKED COOL, okay?! Geez.

14. Debbie Gibson.... What?! I DO!

15. A time when I actually WANTED my MTV.

16. Echo & the Bunnymen, Cutting Crew, Scritti Politti, Tears for Fears, and Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark.

17. My acid-washed jean jacket covered with ENORMOUS, entirely superfluous silver buttons and an assortment of safety pins with multicolored beads strung through them. Which meant I was very popular and had lots of friends. Right?

18. Sleep overs with my girlfriends, at which we listened to KISS FM, gossiped about boys, experimented with our hair, traded comfy pink Esprit sweatshirts for zip-tapered, pastel-flowered Guess? jeans, and-- contrary to TGIM's much-fantasized belief-- DID NOT engage in naked pillow-fighting. But TGIM? Said girlfriends DID teach me how to French kiss. That one's all yours, baby.

19. Slap bracelets. Preferably neon. Lots of 'em.

20. Freezing my ass off while cheering at home football games. In the snow. In a cheerleading uniform. With NO pantyhose or tights. Because that would be TACKY.

21. Singing along to "Wig" by the B-52's at the top of my lungs on the bus during away football trips: "What's that on your head? A wig! Wig, wig, wig! Wig's on fire! Wig's on fire! Wig's on... fire! It's 2525 and we've got the most wigs alive!" Why does nobody REMEMBER this song?

22. Tanning on the roof with a fluffy towel, my boombox, and big-A bottle of Hawaiian Tropic Dark Tanning Oil. For the Tan of the Islands! Or more freckles! Whatever!

23. Every single solitary stinkin' John Hughes movie. I mean, sometimes I even watch The Dead Zone on USA just to see Farmer Ted (AKA: The Geek from Sixteen Candles) and reminisce. "I never bagged a babe. I'm not a stud." Seriously. Who writes stuff like that anymore?! No one, that's who!

24. Jams with coordinating t-back tank tops.

25. Comfy, unlaced Keds.

26. First REAL kisses. Cheetos optional.

27. Boys in cuffed jeans and unlaced Reebok high tops. I don't know why, really.

28. Slouch socks. Ooooh! And slouch boots! Because they totally hid my freakish chicken ankles, all right?

29. My mini black lace ra-ra skirt, a la Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan. HAWT.

30. Wearing sunglasses at night. Hey. Don't be afraid of the guy in shades, oh no.

Sadly, I could go on and on and on...

Not that NOW isn't good! Oh, I LOVE now! But your high school years, they stay with you, you know?

Which, once you think about it, is at the same time slightly comforting and absolutely horrifying. Especially, it seems, if you lived out your teenage years in the 80's. Just sayin'. That's a hard era to shake. The hair, the styles... I mean, just look at all the Mom-Pants out there. Totally 80's! Honestly. It's 2005! Lose the MOM-PANTS, ladies! LOSE THEM NOW.

And sometimes, guys? Sometimes? I have this almost overwhelming desire to poof up my bangs. You know, just a little. Like, "Oh, just an inch or so won't hurt...." But it would! Dear lord, it WOULD!

Oh, NO. I just realize that the bulk of my childhood was spent during the 70's! Don't even get me STARTED on homemade polyester bell-bottoms, roller skating rinks, my Donna Summers fixation, tetherball wars, and hula hoops. PLEASE. Just... don't.

That's a post for another day, y'all. A post for another day...

link | posted by Cat at 7:38 AM

Blogger Nessa commented:

I must be a couple years behind you, because I wasn't cruisin', but I totally relate to everything else & miss it too! Isn't that what makes us the coolest moms ever????? I mean, who else would dance without abandon to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and do it so well that even my daughter DIES for that song & "Hey Mickey?" Fun times...fun times! I also tanned on my roof - too funny! We thought we were the coolest chicks on Main Street out in Smalltown, Texas. Okay, enough blabbing from me here in your comment section. Thanks for the memories!

» 8/04/2005 9:50 AM 
Anonymous Anonymous commented:

What? Did I read kissing your girlfriends? Hmmm.

» 8/04/2005 10:02 AM 
Blogger WILLIAM commented:

Wow that is a lot of stuff to remember about the 80s. Stuff I never even heard of and I graduated high school in 88

» 8/04/2005 1:47 PM 
Blogger Charlotte in Pa commented:

I think that a video of The Wham Rap is in order. Otherwise, I just don't believe you.... (will you give into peer pressure?)

» 8/04/2005 2:18 PM 
Blogger Cat commented:

Wait. Would that be me actually singing the Wham Rap, or an actual video from the 80's of Wham performing the Wham Rap? Or could it be me lip synching the Wham Rap?

I just want to be clear before I completely cave in to the peer pressure...

» 8/04/2005 2:23 PM 
Blogger Ern commented:

A "psych!" totally popped out of my mouth the other day. It was not under my control AT ALL!

Oh, yeah, and I had a fake Esprit bag, and one day the bottom just RIPPED right out of it, dumping notebooks, papers, books, pens all over the ground in front of the school. I guess that makes a case for buying name brand, huh?

Ohhhh...the acid wash. I remember the first year I couldn't find acid washed jeans at the store. So. Sad.

And all the rest, too! I wasn't cruisin' guys yet, but other than that...

» 8/04/2005 3:31 PM 
Blogger mrtl commented:

Girlfriend, you know I'm with you on the Wham Rap.

I got soul. dah duh dah

I can think of nothing to add to this list; you were very thorough. And while I "miss" these things... I don't really want them to come back.

Oh, and for GM, we would sing "Sex is best when it's five on seven."

» 8/04/2005 4:25 PM 
Blogger Charlotte in Pa commented:

Cat, I don't think lip synching is allowed. Of course, if you want to sort of sing it WITH the video or a recording, that might be acceptable. But ONLY if your voice is louder than the recording. Bonus points if you wear a shirt that says "Choose Life!" And even though we want to, let us not forget parachute pants or leg warmers.... And what's with Izod shirts with the popped collars coming back? Clothes that I wore in high school are BACK in style? I am OLD!

» 8/04/2005 5:36 PM 
Blogger Bente commented:

Electric Youth!

Your comments are sticking again. Woo hoo!

» 8/04/2005 8:06 PM 
Blogger BerryGirl commented:

that was a trip down memory lane- I can totally identify with almost all of those! I know when I look at pics from an old homecoming or prom dress I get those same feelings cross between "wow, what was I thinking?" and "now those were the days!"

» 8/04/2005 8:32 PM 
Blogger Charlotte in Pa commented:

In a hilarious PS... today - out of nowhere - the teen that I am a "nanny" for says to me, "It must have SUCKED to grow up in the 80s." Me: "Why do you say that?" Her: "The clothes SUCKED and the music was terrible." Niiicceee!

» 8/04/2005 10:07 PM 
Anonymous Di commented:

I think you mean we TOLD you how to French kiss not TAUGHT you how to French kiss. Unless that was with your 'other' friends. Sorry Aaron.

Oh...and you getting pulled over by the cops all the time for DUI. Which you totally weren't so it was kind of funny.

And...screaming "Buy a duck, get paid!" during 'Mony, Mony' because we were nice girls and didn't say what everyone else was.

» 8/05/2005 12:20 AM 
Blogger Cat commented:

Aw, Di, why you gotta be like that, ruining all TGIM's fun, huh?

And hey. I thought we agreed to never mention certain things? that may or MAY NOT have happened in our youth?! cough::the arrest record::cough GOSH!

In retrospect, maybe all those Sundance Sparkler bottles rattling around in the back of the old Pooh car weren't the greatest idea, especially taking into consideration my propensity to be pulled over and made to Walk the Line for any little thing! "You switched lanes too fast!" You were going 25 over the speed limit!" And for the record? I totally was NOT evading arrest that one time, I just couldn't hear the sirens over Billy Idol! OKAY?! I mean, did YOU hear the sirens, Di?! NO! No reason to haul me away in handcuffs, that's all I'm saying! But we won't talk about that...

And Charlotte, I hope you set that little hootchie girl straight. We may have worn some admittedly iffy clothes (see above post), but at least our butt cracks and love handles and pierced bellies weren't hanging out all over the place. And the music? ROCKED.

"Mony, MONY! Get paid, buy a duck!"

» 8/05/2005 5:19 AM 
Blogger Bente commented:

Hmmm, sounds like you've got some blogging to do missy...arrested, handcuffs, "buying ducks".

» 8/05/2005 6:38 AM 
Blogger Circus Kelli commented:

Cat, this list is like, totally, tubular! Totally.

» 8/05/2005 7:06 AM 
Blogger sullen girl commented:

OMG that's hilarious! I just got the Wham Rap on cd the other day since I never pull my cassettes out anymore :) I just couldn't help myself! I LOVE that cheesy song! My hubby is 3 years younger than me and somehow has NEVER heard that song. Unfortunately, he wasn't too impressed. I don't know what's wrong with that boy ;)

And I so completely wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer too :) Great post :)

» 1/16/2006 9:44 AM 

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