Why does the woman one cubicle over think I want to hear her various, annoyingly LOUD, religious-themed ringtones? I mean, sure, I have no problem with religious music (Jesus Christ Superstar ROCKS! What? That's not technically "religious music"? No? Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat then.), but do I want to hear tinny covers of revival music blasting from the next cubicle? Let me help you out here: No, I do not. (It's 6:30 in the a.m., so sue me!) Nor, for that matter, do I want to hear her stilted attempts to record the world's most frightening voicemail message.
Attempt #1: "Your call is important to me. And may the sun shine brightly on your day."
(Tell-tale clickety-clack. Stop pressing those keys, already! Sounds good!)
Attempt #4: "Your call is important to us, and may God shine his brightness on you today."
(Someone a few cubicles down coughs loudly, mid-record. Dammit! Thanks a WHOLE LOT, Sick Person Who Should FREAKING Stay Home! More clickety-clack.)
Attempt #7?:"Your call is very important to our... me... argle!"
(NOOOOOOOO! Hey you! Sick Guy down the row! Please don't cough again, please don't cough again... My good friend E, from two cubicles down, comes by to give me the classic What The Freak eye roll. So I throw her the Hell If I Know But I Wants to Kill Me Some Crazy Cube Neighbor eye roll. Clickety-clack.)
Attempt #13: "Your call is important. God be with you and may the sun shine brightly... on you. Praise Jesus."
(Okay, I added that last part.)
Aaaaah, blissful sil-- wait.
Damn. There go the ringtones again.
"Onward Christian soooo-ooold-dier, um, blah, blah, something, hmmmmm..."