Let me preface this wholly unpleasant tale with an honest fact:
Okay. I admit it. I love to run. I do. LOVE. IT. It's the one time during the day when I have the opportunity to break away from the sometimes overwhelmingly silent grind that is my job. Although I absolutely love what I do and wouldn't (at this point in my life, anyway) want to work anywhere else, I would be lying if I didn't admit that being what can only be termed as a Loud Talker is honestly the bane of my Cubicle Land existence. Of course being a Loud Laugher comes in a close second. Especially when I am dumb enough to read hilarious stories like this while at work, thank you VERY much Kelly, you rascal, you! The icy stares. They wound me. Well, sometimes. Okay, not really. But those people don't know! They totally could! Wound me, that is!
So at lunch I break free from the ofttimes almost stifling sounds of silence and head out on the trail that runs for miles back behind the building where I work, through a thick forest, under bridges, past tumbling creeks, alongside the local airstrip, around a lake. It's just me, soothing nature, and my tunes. Oh, and usually my running buddy because hello? Solitary much? I'm not completely insane. Just a geek. But I will get to that in a moment. My point is that I am free, unbridled, alive. And I can and do push myself to the limits of my endurance and beyond and when I am finished I can take pride in what I accomplished-- acquire instant gratification, if you will-- and not even mind the fact that it feels as if I might just vomit. Because once that feeling passes... runner's high, baby! There's nothing like the euphoria of a runner's high, I swear. Well, okay, except for, er, well, um-- heh-heh-- you know... but still! Feels good, that's all I am saying. And that is a fact.
My point, you ask? How is any of this an embarrassment, you query? Good questions, all. Allow me to elucidate.
You see, I am a geek. No, really. I know, right? But after a good four-miler, when that runner's high has kicked in and I am feeling that sheer, unadulterated euphoria, yes, that oh-so-good endorphin rush, the geek in me apparently cuts loose, shakes out her legs, maybe flexes her fingers a bit. I just can't seem to help it. There may be a Snoopy Dance O' Joy as I head to the showers or an intensely emotional "Woo-HOO! YEAH!" accompanied by the universal High-Five Me gesture directed towards anyone in my vicinity.
Or, as in my case yesterday, it could be in the form of an... interesting exchange in the locker room.
Because it is embarrassing enough that I never know where to look when Miss Uninhibited sits naked and spread-eagle on the bench across from me (ew! germs?! hello?!), slathering on lotion and baby powder, I usually keep to myself rather than participate in the friendly banter going on around me in the locker room amongst the several other women in various stages of undress. It's not that I'm a prude, it's just... where do I look?
Then yesterday this totally familiar-looking girl who was undressing next to me was talking across the locker room to some random chick I did not know, not even a little bit. "So, did you quit smoking?" she yelled, and I mean loudly.
"Oh my God, yes!" was Random Chick's also loud reply.
(Author's Note: Okay, you need to hear/picture her with a Valley Girl accent. Because she totally sounded like she was from the Valley. Like, oh my God, I am so serious! And this is totally not important in the grand scheme of things. I just thought you should know.)
"Wow! Congratulations!" said Familiar-Looking Girl. But they didn't high-five. I totally thought they should high-five. Because... endorphins?
(Author's Note: Please note that though I am following this conversation, I am not by any stretch of the imaginiation even remotely a part of it.)
"Yeah, it's a total drag," Random Chick said as she fiddled with her socks, "but, like, I knew I totally needed to do it."
I waited, but... nothing. Oh, come ON.
Suddenly, "Heh! It's a drag... Bwah ha ha!" Honestly, I don't know where it came from. But there it was.
Random Chick and Familiar-Looking Girl turned and stared at me, not unkindly, but more... oh, let's say warily.
Random Chick was the first to respond to my little outburst. "Um, yeah," she started, "it totally was, but..."
I swear. People never get me. What is up with that?
"No... No! It's a drag? You know, DRAG!"
At their obvious confusion, I held an imaginary cigarette to my lips and took a good pull on it. Actually, I'm pretty sure it looked a bit more like I was toking up, but either way I have to ask: could I be any more ridiculous?
"A DRAG?!" I continued. "You know... Smoking?! A DRAG?! Ah ha ha! Woo!"
To my credit I at least had the presence of mind to restrain myself from throwing the High-Five Me gesture out there.
So then Random Chick was like, "Oh! Yes... um, that's funny... I get it..." as she made a quick beeline for the door.
And... that was about the time the stark realization that I had spun completely out of control hit me, and I said to no one in particular, "Oh. Ooooooh... Okay. I am such a geek."
Familiar-Looking Girl heard me and was all, "Oh, no. That was funny. Seriously. I could never think of something like that! It was funny. Really. 'A drag'... Good one."
"Oh my GOSH!" I yelled, smacking myself in the head. "IDIOT! I am such a GEEK! What a stupid thing to say! STUPID! GAH!"
(Author's Note: Okay I made that very last part up. Because remember when Chris Farley used to say that?... and he'd be all, "GOD! That was STUPID! What an IDIOT!"?... and everyone would totally laugh because, um it was, you know, hella funny?... Do you?.. Oh, of course you do!... I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!)
But the rest of it? Completely, unequivocally, painfully true. I made good my escape and trudged up the three flights of stairs to my office, totally lost in thought, pondering why in the world I felt compelled to join in on a conversation that I was absolutely NOT a part of in any way shape or form, period, finito, end of story. I mean, sure, it was a wicked funny and completely unintentional pun-- which was just SCREAMING to be pointed out, I might add-- but honestly. Who DOES that? Just butts right into a conversation she is absolutely not a part of and makes a complete ass out of herself?! I ask you, WHO?!
Me, that's who. Yes, me. A geek who can usually keep the geekier components of her nature on a tight leash, but who is completely unable to utilize The Filter when those endorphins are a-flowing. That's right. I'm Euphoria's bitch. It's a sad truth, y'all, but at least I am woman enough to admit it.
Especially since when I came home and sheepishly relayed this story to TGIM, he looked at me for a moment and then said with his all-too-frequent Damn Woman, You CRAZY snort, "Yeah, Cat. You ARE a geek."
Love you, too, TGIM.
- Odd Mix commented:
So, did you ever figure out why she looked familiar?
And do you have a "geek code" signature block?
- » 2/08/2006 2:03 PM
- mrtl commented:
I still love you.
- » 2/08/2006 2:21 PM
- hemlock commented:
I totally do that stuff too.
My fiance has to CONSTANTLY remind me not to jump into other people's conversations.
- » 2/08/2006 3:19 PM
- Amy commented:
That WAS a really good one, Cat. I don't care what they say. You are one funny, cute, clever, humble geek.
- » 2/08/2006 3:33 PM
- kalki commented:
Hee! Hilarious. DRAG...Heh.
And you are the only person I know who can say "Allow me to elucidate" and still sound cool. I'm totally jealous.
- » 2/08/2006 4:46 PM
- WILLIAM commented:
This is something that I would totaly do. No Like totally. I am so throwing an imaginary high five at you right now. I just said to my wife, as we left the park after talking to a neighbor, "I have to remember no one gets my sense of humor."
Also I am now asking that a tutorial video of the Happy snoopy dance be made.
- » 2/08/2006 6:14 PM
- kalki commented:
For the record, Cat and William, I totally get your sense (senses?) of humor. You people crack me up on a daily basis.
- » 2/08/2006 9:49 PM
- LadyBug commented:
Oooh, I'll second William's request for a Snoopy Dance tutorial video. Hee.
And Cat, girl, I just love you. You're so dang cute. I would totally high five you back.
- » 2/09/2006 9:04 AM
- Vajana commented:
And can I say, you said, 'butts' into a conversation.
GET it? BUTTS? SMOKING? DRAG?
Sigh, well I'm a geek too.
- » 2/09/2006 1:05 PM
- wordgirl commented:
Not something I would do, but TOTALLY something Mr. Half would do. All the time.
- » 2/09/2006 3:23 PM
- Annejelynn commented:
from one geek to another - yer still cute! Geeks unite!
- » 2/10/2006 11:16 AM
- ieatcrayonz commented:
If I had been there, I would have definitely high-fived your drag queeness and then belly flopped onto the glass coffee table that normally don't exist in locker rooms, but just stay with me here, a la "Down by the river" Chris Farley sketch.
I can totally relate.
- » 2/11/2006 8:05 PM
- Nap Queen commented:
Yes! Yes! I get your kind. Seriously. I do the Chris Farley "naughty pet" from Tommy Boy all the time, and people think I am strange.
- » 2/13/2006 9:59 PM