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Desperate Working Mommas
Your one-stop site for fanatical television snarking, questionable political analysis, occasional attempts to address the parenting issues facing working mothers, and halfhearted promises to stop obsessing about the entertainment industry, already! Oh, not to mention the random bitching and moaning. There's always that.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
I have a new obsession. It's a good one.

(DISCLAIMER: Just so we're clear, I have never watched Sex and the City in my life, so don't even go there or I will freaking CUT YOU. I'm not even kidding.... What?! A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. [tm Willow Rosenberg of BTVS])

For several years now I have had a secret desire to do something that some people may call crazy. No, not bungee jumping... I've already done that. No, not rappelling a cliff wall, hundreds of feet in the air... I've done that, too. Skydiving? Pshaw! Been there! Cliff-diving? Train trestling? Driving down a highway in the dead of night at top speeds with my headlights off? Did it, did it, totally did it... unless my momma is reading this in which case I absolutely did NOT do that last one because how freaking stupid would a person have to be to go screaming down Williamson Valley Road with a carload of (totally sober) sixteen-year-olds with her headlights off even if she was totally sober (hand to God!) and even if she did have her hazard lights on so she could clearly see every few seconds anyway so it really was wasn't as bad as it sounds and I was only SIXTEEN and whose dumb idea was it to let sixteen-year-olds have licenses to drive ANYWAY?! HUH?! Because hello?! Let me introduce you to DUH!

Seriously. I blame the government.

Anyhoos, in all honesty, I don't know why I crave these things. I don't know if it's the speed, the danger, the physical exertion, or even the sheer awesomeness of spectacular stunting. I just always... have. Craved them, that is.

I was the kid who saw the couch not as a place to sit, but as an obstacle to flip over. Or as a springboard for flipping over other *inanimate objects in the room. (*I learned early that you don't want to try flipping over things that, you know, MOVE. Let that be a lesson to us all.)

I was the kid who would suddenly be overcome by a burst of exhilaration while running across the neighbors' lawn which usually resulted in the execution of some sort of crazy, airborne somersault, with no idea how to land it but a willful determination to get 'er done, by damn! I mean, why run when you can fly?

I was the kid who defied the lifeguards at the public pool when they told me to get in the shallow end because I was too little to jump off the high dive. I was all, "Aw, hell no! I've been swimming since I was two, biznitches!" But it sounded more like, "No I'm not!" because seriously I was like five and who says "biznitch" when she's five? And then I jumped and swam away very fast and they decided I was big enough after all.

I was the kid who took sharp turns on her bicycle while riding with no hands and no shoes on a gravelly city street... which actually turned out quite badly, what with the crashing and the gaping wound and the infected toe and the blood poisoning and all, so forget I mentioned that one. But you get the picture.

Some would say, "Damn, girl. What up? You have a death wish or something?" But truthfully, I don't think the powerful rush I experience when I do these things is based on some sort feeling that I somehow cheated death. Because I'm not afraid of eluding life. However, I find that I'm vastly afraid of life eluding me. Which made sense in my head, but now... maybe... not so much? I think I do these things not to prove to the world that I am brave or strong-- because, duh! I rock solid!-- but to prove to myself that I am alive. And in control. And way cool, junior.

Because there's nothing like spitting in the eye of the blood-rushing, gut-wrenching fear that bulldozes you as you ascend in a crane to a height equivalent to a 14-story building with nothing but a few flimsy bungee cords between you and the pavement below where you can barely make out the ant-like shapes of your friends shouting things you can't quite hear because all sound faded out about eight stories ago and there is nothing but you, the wind, and the guy counting down from ten... nine... eight... (I'm going to die)... seven... six... (I'm clearly insane)... five... four... three... (Uuuh! No! I have to pee!)... two... one... (pleaseGodhelpmeohGodI'mdying)... GERONIMO! (aiiiiiiaiaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhaaaarrrrrrrrg!... Oh yeah! WOOOOO!!!)

Hi, for those of you just tuning in, Cat is a crazy person.

And now? Guys? There's this new obsession that I am just so, SO excited about! Something I've always wanted to do but I always thought I had to travel to New York City to do it, and I've just never made it over there. And now I discover that they have a place to do it in Baltimore... right down at the Harbor, even. And Baltimore is not far away at ALL. How perfect is that? And it's not even very expensive and it is so much safer than skydiving, which is cool because there is a good chance I traumatized my children for life by flinging myself out of a perfectly good airplane as they looked on. Yep.

So guys? GUYS?! Guess what?! Just guess!

Okay, I'll tell you. This summer? At some point? Before the kids come home? I'm going to Trapeze School. I know, right?! "I'll be sooooooaaaaaarin'... flyyyyyyyyyin'..." (Oooh! Damn you High School Musical! Get out of my head!) And I shall fly through the air with the greatest of ease... and totally kick gravity's ASS.


In other news I watched The Producers last night and it was WAY funny. Just thought I'd share.

link | posted by Cat at 9:27 AM

Blogger not-so-normal mom commented:

Awesome, Cat!!! And you are just the right wee size to pull it off!! BTW- You do rock solid!

» 6/29/2006 11:27 AM 
Blogger Vajana commented:

so you were just jealous the kids got to do the cliff diving and you didn't, is that it?

Can't wait for pictures!

» 6/29/2006 11:31 AM 
Blogger WILLIAM commented:

Please, when you do the trapeze thing, wear a cape for me. Becasue seriously what fun is flying without a cape falpping behind you all swooshy like.

» 6/29/2006 11:47 AM 
Blogger Cat commented:

William, did you SEE The Incredibles?! No capes! But I'm in a very happy visual place right now, so thanks. ;)

NSN Mom: Oh, stop, you! I'm blushing!

Jana, there will be VIDEO. Oh yes. There WILL be video.

» 6/29/2006 11:58 AM 
Blogger Circus Kelli commented:

Wowzer? Really? That's incredible, Cat! I love that you're nearly fearless -- or is that you just don't let a little thing like fear stop you?

» 6/29/2006 12:00 PM 
Blogger Cat commented:

Oh, definitely the second, CK.

In fact, my biggest fear? Singing in public. That scares the bejeebies out of me!

» 6/29/2006 12:03 PM 
Anonymous OddMix commented:

William made me snarf my water with that comment.

» 6/29/2006 12:38 PM 
Blogger LadyBug commented:

What the frick? Where's my comment? I left a comment earlier, after vajana's comment. I even sang you your own personalized version of "The Man on the Flying Trapeze."

Them thar innernets done et mah comment!

» 6/29/2006 2:18 PM 
Blogger WILLIAM commented:

Believe it or not,
Cat's walking on air,
I never thought she could be so free-eee
Flying away on a wing and a prayer
Who could it be-ee
Belive it or not it's just Cat.

» 6/29/2006 2:45 PM 
Anonymous Sarah Ann commented:

Ok, so I have to admit, I have always, ALWAYS, wanted to go to Trapeze School. Ever since 3rd grade when these gypsies came to our school and their kids were practicing on the trapeze behind the sets and I snuck back and watched them...TOTALLY made me want to run away with them. I'm sure my parents would have appreciated it. And the cape thing, well that would be pretty stinkin' cool. And the pictures would look incredible.
I AM SO JEALOUS!! Way to go!!!

» 6/29/2006 5:53 PM 
Blogger Nilbo commented:

Ahh, adrenaline. If we could only find a way to blow that shit out our nose and cut it with baking soda, it would be worth $400 a gram on the street.

I'm also an adrenaline junkie, and I soooo envy you the trapeze school. I hope you have a blast with it. And if you can't wear a cape, I'm sure William and I would go along with something in the way of a Catholic Schoolgirl Outfit.

» 6/29/2006 8:27 PM 
Anonymous kalki commented:

When we were in Baltimore a few weeks ago, I totally saw that trapeze area. It looked way cool.

However, I happen to know that there's a place in DC to do it. A friend of mine did it. Although it may perhaps have been portable and so might not still be around, I dunno.

» 6/29/2006 9:28 PM 
Blogger WILLIAM commented:

Yes Kalki those portable trapeze things are called Circuses

» 6/30/2006 4:37 AM 
Blogger Cat commented:

Okay, Kalki, who's with me here?! You totally want to come fly the trapeze with me, don't you?! Think of the possibilities! I mean, the blogging fodder alone is totally worth the price of the class, am I right? You know you want to...

» 6/30/2006 4:46 AM 
Blogger Well-heeled mom commented:

What I wouldn't give for just a little of your ballsy-ness. Me? I'm perfectly happy with both feet on the ground.

» 6/30/2006 8:47 AM 
Blogger dashababy commented:

Did you see on GMA the other day where those 2 trapeze guys rescued someone that had fallen in the water? I guess some guy had fallen off the bridge and they saw him and jumped in a rescued him. He was unconscious and one of the trapeze guys went under the water and got him out. Pretty cool huh?
This was in New York.

» 6/30/2006 3:55 PM 
Blogger Cat commented:

Really? Huh.

See?! Trapezing teaches mad crazy life-saving skillz! Oh, I cannot WAIT...

» 6/30/2006 9:04 PM 

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