Man. I am digging my title's flippin' SWEET alliteration! "Booyah! That's right! I'm good!" (tm my youngest daughter)
Ooooookay, right then. According to Kristin Veitch of E!Online's Watch With Kristin column (which is simply chock full of tv news, gossip and spoilers), there is more to the AI Judge Panel then we knew. Let's just say Kristin's Blind Riddle (YOU guess the salacious celebrity!) was a tad too easy this past week:
"You know what this column needs? A whole lotta estrogen. And I have just the girl for the job--we'll call her Looney Lolita, who happens to be the one constant many of you cannot stand on a certain well-known, widely watched show. Turns out, producers actually tried to fire her in the third season, but this crazy girl would not take no for an answer. She broke down and wept and begged for her job back for days on end, offering to work without the perks she had in the first season--including her own hair and makeup team. They agreed, and, sadly, the mess continues..."
OH. She lost the hair AND makeup team. That explains SO much. I bet they cut her stylist, too, because most of her outfits this season? Have been... unfortunate, to say the least. Hello? Floating wrist cuffs? Swashbuckling pirate themes? Stripes of dizzying proportions? Hats of CRAZINESS? Hello?!
And while Paula has gone to great lengths to "set the record straight," announcing to the world that she is (illegal) pill AND pain free, I hesitate to point out (ah, who am I kidding?) that apparently the side effects for Paula's (finger quotes) prescription meds include heavy, droopy eyes, slurred speech, flailing about, and a tendency to inappropriately hit on guys half her age.
I must also point out the shocking absence of ANY reference to... um, spirits? Alcohol? Booze? Grog? Hooch? C'mon! Her decided preference for scotch on the rocks in her Coca-Cola cup o' fun?! What?! Watch how she mothers up to that Coke cup tonight, y'all! That's all I'm saying! WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DRINKING PAULA! I know, I know. Shocking, I say.
Truth be told, I often feel like a hit of the hooch myself after enduring an hour of Paula's spirit dancing, seal clapping, and worthless gushing:
"I'm so proud of you."
"You made it your own."
"You know I love you."
"I'm a big fan."
"You had fun with it."
GAH! Yo, Cat! Shot of tequila to numb the pain? Don't mind if I do.
See?! See how that works?!
Now if they could only explain away the brewing Having Lots Of The Hot Sex With Contestants scandal swirling around her. GOSH! Imagine the whole world knowing you had sex with Corey Clark! In your guest room! And that you promised to be his "special friend"! And he didn't even make the Top 3! Although, if the rumors are true, Justin Guarini may have a few saucy stories to tell himself...
Oh, the horror.
Not that I believe a WORD Corey Clark says. He's abusive scum. AND a poor man's Guarini. And that's just sad.
Paula, Paula, Paula... You making me cry. Why you so crazy, girl? Why?
(Okay, okay... In all seriousness, here's hoping the AI producers get this woman some much needed help, PRONTO, instead of firing her. She may be a nut, but she's THEIR nut, dammit.)
9 Comments:
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Nessa commented:
too funny! I haven't watched AI since the first season (cuz I don't think anyone measures up to Kelly - that's the Texan in me talkin') - but I NEVER would have guessed that blind riddle - I was racking my brain hoping Kristin'd spill, so thanks, Cat!!!
- » 4/26/2005 8:17 AM
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Random and Odd commented:
thanks for breakin' it down girl.
AMEN to getting Paula some help!!- » 4/26/2005 8:35 AM
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Random and Odd commented:
thanks for breakin' it down girl.
AMEN to getting Paula some help!!- » 4/26/2005 8:35 AM
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Unknown commented:
Wait, wait, wait! You mean, a hit o'hooch in the ol' cup o'Coke during work is a BAD thing?!
Whoa. Bummer for me.- » 4/26/2005 9:00 AM
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Cat commented:
I was SOOOOOO PROUD to finally figure one out! I am so bad at those, I kid you not!
Heh. You guys = hilarious.- » 4/26/2005 9:44 AM
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Nessa commented:
I lo-lo-lo-love the new look!!!! It's easier for me to read - the fishie kept getting in my way!
- » 4/26/2005 10:09 AM
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Cat commented:
Mine, too! I am still playing with the colors, though...
- » 4/26/2005 10:26 AM
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Cat commented:
WHY ISN'T THE ORANGE CONSISTENT?! Anyone know? Anyone?
- » 4/26/2005 10:28 AM
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Cat commented:
Never mind. :/
- » 4/26/2005 11:04 AM