I don't know when it happened, the Comment Whorage. Not sure at all. But it must stop. No more obsessive refreshing of my email inbox! No more, I say. Comments or no comments, this site is mine, for better or for worse, in American Idol obsession and in JoA withdrawl, in mothering joys and hubby woes, mine. Mine. MINE. No amount of comments can change the positive outcome I have experienced since starting this site.
I started this site for two reasons: 1) to hone my mad creative writing skillz (of which I have so few); and 2) to relieve some of the inky, swirling madness that goes on in my head every day. EVERY DAY! So much going on up there, so little time to vent it, you know?
I kept a journal as a teenager, which I yearn to burn into piles of completely non-readable ashes so my kids will never see how insanely moody I was as a young woman of tender years. Seriously. Miss Crankypants meets the Energizer Bunny. Scary combination. But deep down I know that they will hit that wall of oozing hormones sooner than I want to believe, and maybe, just maybe, it will comfort them to know how completely and (surprisingly) non-irretrievably insane I was at their age. Ha. As if they haven't already guessed it. But, still.
But my point- before digressing, sorry- is that once upon a time I had an outlet for the craziness. Now, I realize that TGIM loves me, but really, how much AI banter can he stand before his head explodes? Huh? The answer is: Not much. I have discerned this bit of wisdom through the years, and it is fine and I'm completely cool with his bewilderment and his egregious inability to follow my wired ramblings, but it (i.e. the craziness) has to go somewhere, y'all, or I find myself dropping "Yo, yo, yo, dawg," and "Ooooh, look kids! Daddy's in the hizzouse! Fo' rizzle, my nizzle!" and "Only 89 more days 'til the new Harry Potter book! Ooooh, we graduated from high schoool in 1989! We OLD!!" all over the place and my husband and kids are all, "Cat/Momma, please, SHUT. UP."
Gosh. RUDE.
But the point is, for so many years I have kept things bottled up: little things, big things, happy things, weird things, just THINGS, and sometimes I felt as if I was going crazy, and I didn't have a legitimate way to let it all out (subjecting my high school students to Shakespearean improv notwithstanding), and that is not healthy. The bottling. But now I do have a way to let it all out, in DOSES of controlled craziness, and it's mine. MINE. And I can use words like "egregious" and "jiggered" and "freak" as much as I want. FREAK! And now, lately, I feel so good, better than good, better than I've felt in forever, which I know is partly due to the move and the career change, but is mostly due to this. My blog. My thoughts.
Out there.
Out of my head.
Real.
5 Comments:
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Joseph commented:
you can play it down all you want sweetie, but comments are like the powder sugar coating on the fluffy puff pastry that is the blog. It makes it complete and whole and deliciously self satisfying.
So wipe that dusting of white powder off your nose and just revel in it.
I agree with you though, it has given me something that has been lacking in my life and it's hard to describe what that is like. It may last for years or maybe only months, but I'm just going to see where it takes me.- » 4/20/2005 8:57 AM
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Unknown commented:
HA! Cat, darlin, you know I love you and all your wacky craziness, right? So, you won't be terribly offended if I point out that this entry seems to be in contradiction to the fact that you're feeling "quiet" today (your little mood indicator thingy), will you?
Girl, I'm totally with you on the getting thoughts out of my head thing. Thanks for putting them in a place where we can all read them. :)
From one comment-obsessed fan to another, (because I don't think I want to think of myself as a "Comment Whore"), you da bomb diggity, baby. Dats fo sho.- » 4/20/2005 9:00 AM
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Unknown commented:
...ah, and then there are those who can comment with way more class and style and finesse...
those who talk of powdered sugar and puff pastries and the wonderful sense of cyber-community found in the blog world, and not ever use words like "bomb diggity."
Those people, those are the ones I aspire to be like.- » 4/20/2005 9:03 AM
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Cat commented:
FREAK! I forgot to change my mood thingy! Thanks, Circus Kel. I'm on it!
- » 4/20/2005 9:09 AM
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Cat commented:
Now I'm SASSY. Booyah!
- » 4/20/2005 9:11 AM