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Desperate Working Mommas
Your one-stop site for fanatical television snarking, questionable political analysis, occasional attempts to address the parenting issues facing working mothers, and halfhearted promises to stop obsessing about the entertainment industry, already! Oh, not to mention the random bitching and moaning. There's always that.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Confessions of a Desperate Working Momma

Sometimes during staff meetings, words tend to run through my mental sieve unheeded as I daydream about the yummy waffles I ate that morning or ponder why I always giggle and think of boobs when someone says "cahoots" or wonder why it is that a mile is exactly 5,280 feet because seriously, what is up with that?

I don't think Fun Size candy bars are fun at all.

I don't know why it is, but I can't help but sing. I'm a singing fool. Pretty much wherever I am, if a song I like is pounding across the airwaves, I will sing along. In my car, in the elevator, in American Eagle, at the doctor's office, while I'm jogging (especially while I'm jogging), wherever. In all honesty, there doesn't even have to be a song playing. I'm like that kid in About a Boy who burst out singing "Killing Me Softly With His Song" during math class, except, well, I'm not British, or a child, and I dress MUCH better. And sing better. And I'm not a geek. (TGIM, shut up!) Wait. What was my point again? Oh yes! I sometimes burst into song with no provocation whatsoever. To my chagrin, my colleagues will ofttimes tease me mercilessly when I break into a rousing chorus of Todd Rundgrens "Bang the Drum All Day" (my spontaneous song choices are often thematic in nature), but hey, someone needs to liven up those staff meetings, I tell you what. Honestly, it's a hardship for TGIM, but he powers through. But my most favoritest place to sing evah is in my very own bathroom because hello? mirror? and hairbrush? I mean really. If I can't SEE the choreography how will I know which dance moves make me look the coolest? Think about it. And everyone knows a solid vocal performance of Captain and Tenille's "Love Will Keep Us Together" is simply not as convincing without a mic. I mean, obviously.

I've been tempted on more than one occasion to set up a "Valet Parking: $5 (Tips Appreciated)" sign in front of Wal-Mart. Because I'm betting that would be good money, right there.

Sometimes in the night when I'm all alone in my home, I hear noises and get a little freaked out, so I grab a bat (or something equally smackdown-worthy; a tennis racquet will do in a pinch) and tiptoe from room to room, bat aloft, swiftly throwing open closet doors, letting loose with an ear-piercing "AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEGH!", and swinging that bat with all I've got. This is called aerobic exercise and is very good for my fast twitch muscle fibers AND my heart.... once the violent heart palpitations stop pounding at three times the rate of my normal cardiac cycle, naturally. I don't recommend this particular brand of personal home security for the faint-of-heart, however. Tachycardia is nobody's friend.

link | posted by Cat at 8:39 AM


10 Comments:
Anonymous OddMix commented:

I find the aerobic exercize hysterical. MDW just sleeps with a shotgun next to the bed and the shells under her pillow when I am away. And the Bean takes care of the patrolling duties.

» 6/30/2006 9:30 AM 
Blogger WILLIAM commented:

I went to school with Tachycardia, and you are right...he sat by himself in the cafeteria all the time.

» 6/30/2006 9:42 AM 
Blogger Cat commented:

I bet it's because he was irregular.

BWAH HA HA! Hoo! Irregular! Hee! I've got tears! Gosh, I slay myself. You have got to love a good pun.

(Hey, I've never claimed to be anything other than a huge geek...)

» 6/30/2006 9:50 AM 
Blogger not-so-normal mom commented:

Again I say-You rock solid, Cat! ;-)

» 6/30/2006 10:06 AM 
Blogger WILLIAM commented:

Cat, that was a volley ball joke. I set it up and you spiked it. Very clever.

» 6/30/2006 10:50 AM 
Blogger Charlotte in Pa commented:

Shhh! Don't let Sue know you shop at Wal-Mart. Oy vey, the lectures! Luckily, I prefer Target anyway.

» 6/30/2006 6:40 PM 
Blogger Cat commented:

Oh no, Charlotte, I don't shop there! I just think there's a definite entrepreneurial opportunity there...

» 6/30/2006 9:02 PM 
Blogger Misty commented:

AHHH we are so alike. Perhaps its that ADD link..I sing loudly in the shower but also as I drive, and if i have to sleep alone in the house I'm also having those heart palpitations..:)And the thoughts in my mind change so quickly i have to sometimes tell myself "Wait. Wait Wait"...so that i don't change the topic too noticeably fast with others..

» 7/01/2006 7:36 AM 
Anonymous kalki commented:

Seriously, what is up with the Fun Size thing? It makes no freaking sense.

» 7/04/2006 4:47 PM 
Blogger I LUV CATS commented:

Try to always keep a positive attitude cause there is hope.

» 7/09/2006 12:08 PM 

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