Today my baby boy, my firstborn, my buddy, is nine years old. Nine! Years old! Wow. You know, truthfully, I am not really sure how I feel about that.
Hey, don't misunderstand. I don't mean "I don't know how I feel about having a nine-year-old son," because he's basically the same kid he was yesterday, but with birthday attitude. He's having some friends come over after school today, so and I am leaving work early to go into Birthday Momma Power Mode with the swimming, pizza baking, cake eating, younger sisters placating. All low-key stuff, nothing out of the ordinary or crazy. No big deal, right?
No, it's not even that he's nine, which makes me oh-so-OLD in a "When I was your age GameBoys weren't even invented yet, buddy, so you can live without one!" kind of way. It's just... he's nine. That is 108 months old. Or 468 weeks old. Good lord, my baby boy is 3285 days old! But nothing to lose it over, right? RIGHT?!
But... he's not my baby anymore. He's a BOY, which-- of course-- is just this side of a young man, with crazy PERMANENT front teeth, spiky hair which he likes to style on his own, and gorgeous hazel eyes that still gaze at me as if I'm cool. Who still tells me he loves me and puts his arms around me or holds my hand. Even in public. Who still thinks I know everything and is genuinely shocked when I am forced to admit I don't know something (3rd grade math is HARD, y'all!). Who still likes me.
And I'm realizing, hey, this is it. He's never going to be in the single digits again and he'll get older and be a teenager and scowl and think he is smarter than me and play loud angry music and kiss girls and Just Say No! to Drugs and... and... and he won't look at me like that anymore. Because he's growing up. And I'm not sure if I'm preparing him for the world out there, if I'm doing it right, so he'll be happy and healthy and make good choices... I just don't know.
And I just sooooooooo do not feel ready for this.
4 Comments:
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Random and Odd commented:
oh Cat!!
I hear you. Next month, my daughter turns 12. TWELVE? I haven't been a parent THAT many years have I?
Alyx...is EIGHT! Eight whole years. And Shea is turning 7.
I don't remember how they got so old so quickly.- » 2/18/2005 10:28 AM
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Cat commented:
Dude, you must be OLD! Hee. I kid.
My little crazies are 9, 7 and 5. I may be old, but they are ALL IN SCHOOL! ALL DAY!! AT LAST!!! Woo-hoo!
Which actually would mean much more to me if I were, say, a work-at-home momma, but ah well. I get my jollies where I can.- » 2/18/2005 11:23 AM
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Unknown commented:
Cat, honey, you can't think like that. Just enjoy today, that and all the memories from your yesterdays are all you have, really.
Seriously. Thinking like that will drive you insane. I'll be waiting there for you. ;)- » 2/18/2005 12:26 PM
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Cat commented:
Aaaaaw! *group hug*
- » 2/18/2005 12:38 PM