Okay. This is craziness. People, please! Stop leaving your cell phones in the company restroom! Why in the name of all that is good and holy would you even put the damn thing down in the first place?! Huh?! Don't you people have pockets? Purses? Underarms? I mean, it is bad enough that you feel the need to be accessible even when you are-- ahem-- dropping trou, if you will, but come ON!... You are bringing your personal phone-- which you press against your face-- into a place with toilets! Lots of toilets! And all that goes along with toilets! Do you see where I am going with this? Do you?! Must I spell it out? Am I not being clear?
A good idea, as a matter of fact, would be for y'all to stop bringing your phones into the bathroom in the FIRST PLACE. All righty? Sound good? Because, besides the obvious grossness factor of bringing an electronic device into an enclosed space used for the express purpose of expelling-- often gutturally, punctuated by staccato explosions of gas from the nether parts, I might add-- and flushing bodily wastes, I am sick to death of the company-wide unsolicited e-mails I receive when you carelessly leave your electronics behind. (Pun? What pun?)
"Lost cell phone found in men's 6th floor restroom!"
"Forget your phone in the 3rd floor ladies' room? Call your number to claim it."
"Sidekick phone found in 1st floor women's restroom."
"Some disgusting moron left his Blackberry on top of the freaking urinal in the 4th floor men's toilet. Ew! I totally threw it away!"
This only makes borrowing a cell phone in an emergency situation all the more difficult for me due to my ever-increasing Public Restroom Cell Phone User phobia. Thanks a WHOLE LOT, you freaks! What if I am in an ACCIDENT?! I could DIE!
Honestly. It's a frickin' toilet room, people. Toilets! Everywhere! Did I already mention the toilets? Because, if not? TOILETS! Let me tell you, I am sure as shootin' not going to pick up some random cell phone that has been sitting unattended in a PUBLIC RESTROOM. Hell, no. As far as I am concerned, you've just lost yourself a cell phone. Dang straight. Call me a germaphobe if you must, but hey. Whatev. I mean, hello? Cooties and all that? Cooties!
A final warning to Public Restroom Cell Phone Users: I am telling you, if you happen to sneak that cell phone into the bathroom and you decide to take a call while using the stall next to me, hand to God, I WILL flush. Don't think I won't! I will DO IT! I will! Maybe twice! I don't care if it is your ailing 90-year-old grandma calling! I! WILL! FLUSH!
I am ornery that way.
3 Comments:
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Unknown commented:
Oh crap! Cat, have you seen my cell phone anywhere? The last time I remember having it, I was in the stall in the ladies' room and had just put it down on the toilet tissue holder thingy...
- » 6/02/2005 12:16 PM
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commented:
Oooh, I love this. So funny.
You should totally flush them.- » 6/02/2005 6:02 PM
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Weetzie commented:
ok this one really cracks me up! My sis works at a call center taking calls from people with cell phone ISSUES (ack, can you imagine?) and anyway, she is always talking about how people are using the restroom WHILE TALKING TO HER and how gross it is and all and then guess what???? SHE DID IT TO ME! I mean she was talking to me and flushed!! YUP, we ALL need to flush those in-the-stall users!
- » 6/03/2005 11:37 AM