(WARNING: Too much caffeine, not enough food, and little sleep makes Cat a cheeky monkey! And WAY incoherent! And rambly! Proceed at your peril! Okay! Carry on! Or NOT! Whatever!)
* Therapy
My sister's boyfriend's ex-wife's dog's previous owner's therapist shared with her that when he was a young child he used to write letters to himself-- evidently using his left hand to communicate to his right-handed self any thoughts or issues he needed to share or explore-- and he suggested she do the same. You know, for clarity? He assured her he still regularly composed left-handed letters to himself and often wrote thoughtful, right-handed responses to said communications.
I contend that any shrink who since nine years of age has seen fit to play fast and loose with his penmanship skillz by creating an alter-persona of the left-handed variety, a persona who at one time informed him "I was very angry today when you made me steal Janine Cooper's Hostess Cupcake" may be-- perhaps-- in need of some therapy himself. That's all I'm sayin'.
* "Clear Writing Through Critical Thinking" training
Passive Voice = BAD
For example: At the meeting, donuts were eaten by all.
The above sentence is not only passive, but patently untrue. Which makes me sad. Well, the "patently untrue" part does, anyway. I mean, me? I like donuts. Especially at Business Meetings of Excruciating Boredom. Mmmmm. DOOOOONUTS. Doughnuts, if you will. No? Fine. Be that way. I am no discriminator of donuts. All donuts are created equal, and as such shall be eaten by me-- if put in my vicinity-- posthaste and forthwith. I'm talking IMMEDIATELY. Even plain glazed. Not kidding.
Huh.
Redundancy = BAD, too. Just so you know.
* Cool accents and stuff (brought on by Kalki's travel-klogging)
I love the way those Brits talk. I DO! Sounds all proper and shizz. Even when they are being rude. "Oh, sod it! Bloody 'ell!" See? PRETTY. It's simply beastly that we don't have the flair for the pretty with our slang. I mean, I admit that when I was visiting London my sisters and I may have indulged in a fit of the giggles-- perhaps, I say!-- when a young teenaged boy leaned over to his friend and proffered a cigarette case, asking, "Fancy a fag, mate?" Hee. Fancy a fag. GOSH! I LOVE those guys!
I wonder if, conversely, the Brits love the way we say "Yo, dawgs!" or "What a dork" or "Hey! I ain't no hollaback girl!" or "That's HAWT!" Riiiiiight. Don't be daft, mate! Of course they don't. They think we're ign'ant! They DO! And paranoid! I mean, you KNOW that every time Randy Jackson barked out, "Yo, yo, yo dawgs! That was a'ight!" or Paula slurred, "Wow, I am really feelin' you tonight," Simon Cowell wanted to scream out at them: "What a load of bollocks!" Which would have made American Idol loads more fun, actually. Whatev. You know I speak true. Regular dicked in the nob, Simon was, throughout most of the season, think on.
Mock us and our colloquialisms, will you?! Bah. Elitist snobs.
CAR(RRRRRRRRR)! Take that.
12 Comments:
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Ern commented:
You are patently funny.
That is all.
:)- » 9/07/2005 10:54 AM
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LadyBug commented:
Okay, see, I'm pretty sure I got lost somewhere in there, and I wasn't entirely certain where you were going with it, but THIS I know:
I liked it.
Jolly good, ol' mate!- » 9/07/2005 11:47 AM
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LadyBug commented:
mrtl and I seem to have posted simultaneously. Was it good for you, mrtl?
- » 9/07/2005 11:48 AM
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Cat commented:
Mm'kay, a disclaimer has been added, gals (ooh, that pesky passive voice!). Missed you guys!
- » 9/07/2005 11:54 AM
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Not-So-Normal-Mom commented:
My friend recently visited England to stay with a friend. Said friend had his sister and her children over for the afternoon, and the mom was reprimanding her bright red-haired daughter. She said(think wicked English accent) "Stop being cheeky!" And the little red-haired girl said "I'm not being cheeky!" My friend said it was very "Oliver-accent sounding" and she had a little fit of the giggles. I love the English accent! I think we should all speak with an English accent for the day!! Cat, how's the back-to-school going for you???
- » 9/07/2005 12:33 PM
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Weetzie commented:
Silly Cat! :-)
- » 9/07/2005 12:46 PM
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WILLIAM commented:
I can see it now.
Cat's right hand is writing a letter to her left hand.
"Yo Dawg. Waz up wit' bogarting the donuts in meeting?"
The left hand replies "Well my good fellow I simply procured a krumpet for my tea?"- » 9/07/2005 1:20 PM
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Cat commented:
Oh, all y'all KNOW my left-hand is SO composing a letter to my right-hand AS WE SPEAK...
- » 9/07/2005 1:25 PM
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Charlotte in Pa commented:
You MUST be on drugs of some sort. You just got your kids back, so this can't be the whole "Hooray! School has started!" euphoria that most parents get this time of year. Or maybe that IS it. Either way, you're freakin' hysterical and I'm glad that you're back to amuse us!
- » 9/07/2005 3:24 PM
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commented:
I agree with you---I LOVE the Brit accent too!! My daughter lives there with her new hubby. When I talk on the phone with them or when they are here I just can't get enough!!
I love the cheeky monkey thing...she brought a monkey that says the phrase on it's belly for one of my other daughters last Christams!- » 9/08/2005 7:48 AM
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Cat commented:
Wait. You mean I didn't make up the "cheeky monkey" thing?!
Huh.- » 9/08/2005 7:53 AM
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Unknown commented:
LOL!
I'm with you on the therapy thing and the donuts thing, but you totally lost me with your British talk. I couldn't understand a word you were saying...- » 9/08/2005 11:08 AM