At around 6:30 A.M. yesterday I received this picture on my cell phone:


Whoops! Hee hee, sorry! Didn't mean to scare anyone! Should have flashed some sort of "BEWARE: Graphic, Scary-Ass Image!" warning first, eh?! Much like this guy should have done for ME, because this picture?-- aptly entitled "facial tatoos" (yes, spelled incorrectly)-- scared the living bejeebies out of me!

Everyone, meet Tom. Tom, everyone. Tom is a former student of mine, a graduate of my illustrious Basic English Skills for Dirtheads class (a class which incidentally caused me so much grief I could write POSTS and POSTS about it! and probably will! after therapy!), and-- boy oh boy!-- I obviously taught him a BUNCH. Except, of course, that friends don't let friends tattoo drunk. You would think after the TWO (junior AND senior) years he spent in my class he would have learned this basic rule. I mean I usually slid that lesson right smack between Fundamentals of Grammar and Usage and the unit on Story Mapping, but thinking back maybe he was absent that day? Or high? I guess we'll never know.

So, after receiving this lovely morning pick-me-up, I TM-ed Tom right back. I should add that Tom lives in Arizona, so it was around, oh, 3:30 A.M. his time. Yes, I am EVIL. I believe my exact words were (wait, let me consult my cell phone archives...), ah yes, "GAH! Holy God! WHAT, I mean WHO the hell is THAT?!" Because, quite honestly, I didn't recognize him. I am still having a hard time recognizing him. I mean, look at that face! The boy did not LOOK LIKE THAT the last time I saw him! He was a cutie once! For teenaged jailbait, I mean! Stop looking at me like that!

Amazingly, Tom was awake. Well, I assume he was awake, anyway. I don't know. Thing is, when I get a TM, I usually have no idea. My phone will beep one time, one little blip, and I usually don't even notice. It's pretty pointless to TM me actually. I won't get it for hours. Or days. If EVER. Last week I found one from TGIM that read, "I'm at the airport. Pick me up." It confused me. I turned to TGIM and said, "You're at the airport?"

But I digress. My point is unless Tom has his phone set to, I don't know, RING or something when he gets a TM, he must have been awake. This, my friends, is what we educators call "deductive reasoning."

Almost immediately I got a reply: "LOL its me, tom."

I was understandably shocked, and responded accordingly: "NUH-freaking-UH! Wait. Are those PERMANENT?!" (Note my use of proper punctuation and capitalization. TM-ing is hard when you're anal, yo?! Takes me forever, that's all I'm saying.)

"Yep y woldnt they be" (OMG. I failed as a teacher.)

"U crazy, boy! Go back 2 sleep..." (I was getting my TM groove on... look at those hip abbreviations! Gosh! I was just itching to use something like "'Sup, sk8er?" or "U R kewl"!)

"Haha heck no those arnt real, do u think im that dumb?" (sigh)

Okay, I admit it. I thought he was that dumb. In my defense, this is the kid who wrote a paper about accidentally setting himself on fire when he threw a bundle of firecrackers into a bonfire at a kegger, and the hilarity that ensued as he was tackled and rolled around in the dirt by his fellow partygoers. This illuminating magnum opus concluded with the sentence "My eyebrows have almost grown back." Now I just feel bad. Relieved as all get-out, but bad nonetheless.

He went on to assure me that, no, he was not drunk-dialing me, and yes, he was working hard. He also mentioned that no, he wasn't at vocational college anymore, but he was toying with the idea of hitting the pro skateboarding circuit.

My damn.

"Hardcore!" I TM-ed. I'm pretty sure that's a skater term for, "Wow, buddy. That sure is neat. You are TOTALLY throwing your life away, but you're only young once, so good on you, man." Or something. Then I told him to get himself to bed. And he did! Or so he said. Which was amazing, really. He never obeyed like that when I was his teacher. He just flashed his devilish grin every time I asked "Please stop hitting Daniel with that medieval sword, Tom." Or "Please put your shirt back on Tom." Or "No, stop asking, I will not go to Prom with you, Tom." So, see? Amazing. Maybe I taught him something after all.

Now, reflecting upon this experience, this little blast from the not-so-distant past, I am left praising God above that I am not teaching anymore and wondering this... How the hell did he get my phone number?!

19 Comments:

 Anonymous commented:

How did he get your number??? I've never heard of a cell phone listing... Is he a stalker? Good thing he's in AZ... or is he... jen

» 8/26/2005 8:18 AM 

 Anonymous commented:

Sorry, I couldn't help but mess with ya! :-)

» 8/26/2005 8:18 AM 

 Cat commented:

Yo, sistah-friend, don't be messing with my head like that! I mean, did you SEE the picture?! SCARY BOY.

» 8/26/2005 8:37 AM 

 Unknown commented:

Cat, you are totally the cutest thing on this planet sometimes. Fo shizzle.

» 8/26/2005 9:46 AM 

 Charlotte in Pa commented:

Drunk texting rocks. I am quite adept at it. And "good on you" must be an Arizona thing... I hadn't heard it before, but after two weeks in Arizona, it's ALMOST snuck into my vocabulary.

» 8/26/2005 10:01 AM 

 Not-So-Normal-Mom commented:

I am cracking up! I think I dated that guy once. Wait, I'm too old, maybe an older brother? How small is your old town? Maybe he got the number from someone you know. I was laughing at how you TM because I do the exact same thing. I actually had a little rant the other day because my oldest son put b/c (because) in an answer on his homework! Argh! I'm sure you were a great teacher. You can't get through to them all, sweetheart!=)

» 8/26/2005 10:18 AM 

 Cat commented:

Frankly, I'm just proud of this kid for GRADUATING. The whole class made it, and let me tell you, English was the deal-breaker for most of them. But I worked them HARD (well, in between donut runs anyway), and hounded them for TWO WHOLE YEARS, so we were ALL so proud when they walked across that stage...

» 8/26/2005 11:00 AM 

 Cat commented:

Wait. Did I just call him a Success Story?! LOOK AT THE PICTURE!!

Hee. I heart this kid.

» 8/26/2005 11:02 AM 

 Cat commented:

(*snickering*)

pancake syrup...

» 8/26/2005 11:31 AM 

 LadyBug commented:

He looks like someone attacked him with a Sharpie while he was passed out in a drunken stupor.

What disturbs me most, though, is How the frick did he get your cell phone number??

» 8/26/2005 12:10 PM 

 Not-So-Normal-Mom commented:

I wiped a little tear away when you were sharing about how they all graduated! You ARE great! Maybe there WILL be a tv movie about you one day! I'll watch it. I'm not so worried about him getting your number...I think he remembers you fondly. Maybe you were his favorite teacher. Probably. You were probably a blast!

» 8/26/2005 1:07 PM 

 Bente commented:

The whole time all I could think was, "How did he get her number". You'll have to let us know if you ever find out.

» 8/26/2005 4:34 PM 

 Anonymous commented:

Damn I miss teaching. No, not teaching. The kids. Some of the kids. The kids like him. Truly. Dude's got spunk.

Speaking of spunk, this post rocked.

» 8/26/2005 8:37 PM 

 Anonymous commented:

yeah. sounds like inappropriate relationship to me.someone's gotta say it.

» 8/27/2005 12:47 AM 

 Cat commented:

Heh. Do I spy an anonymous ass troll?

Nuh-freaking-uh! AWESOME! Um, not.

» 8/27/2005 7:57 AM 

 Amy commented:

I used to get very carried away myself with a Bic pen in school, drawing the perfect VH for Van Halen on my jeans. Very happy to read that the face tats are fake!

(spraying some AT-Begone around the blog before I leave)

» 8/27/2005 8:44 PM 

 Random and Odd commented:

I can't think of anyone better to have my child in an inappropriate relationship with. Hee Hee.

I love anons...they read, they comment, they never come back to see how they got bashed.

ANYWAY, to my comment now...

Circus Kel said:
Cat, you are totally the cutest thing on this planet sometimes.

SOMETIMES? Kelli, Kelli, Kelli...Cat is the cutest thing on the planet ALL THE TIME.

» 8/28/2005 6:19 PM 

 Cat commented:

Aaaaw, stop it, guys...

(*blushing*)

» 8/28/2005 7:26 PM 

 Annejelynn commented:

snicker - great pic

» 8/29/2005 10:57 AM 

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