Confession #1: Okay, I admit it. I totally fast-forwarded my TiFaux to the last 7 or 8 minutes of the AI elimination episode. WHAT?! Don't look at me like that?! I just was NOT in the mood for any of that Let's Draw This Out Until It Is Literally Painful For Viewers Because Of The Head Slamming Against The Coffee Table nonsense, and besides, I was too psyched about an all-new Veronica Mars episode to be able to concentrate for a WHOLE HALF HOUR OF NAIL-BITING STRESS. I mean, honestly. I have three crazy, loveable, insanely high maintenance kids. I just don't need anymore stress.
And then I saw Katharine in the Bottom Three and BOOM! Stress. She totally looked as if she would vomit at any moment, and not just in her mouth a little, but, like, full-blown projectile vomiting-- you know, because of the nerves and the horror?-- and I totally felt sick to my stomach, too, and I don't think it was just all that Orange Chicken and Chow Mein I ate for dinner but honest-to-freaking-goodness stress (okay and maybe just a little bit of the Orange Chicken because, seriously, I ate an awful lot of it, yep, totally pigged out on the stuff because YUM!... but that's beside the point, so whatev). Wait. What? Oh, yes. Katharine. She was NOT HAPPY, y'all. She could barely even fake the smile and stupid Ryan (looking good, Ry-Ry! Dig the 'doo! MWAH!) is all "How does this feel?" and I was screaming at the TV going, "HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT FEELS, YOU STUPID, STUPID (but totally hawt in a wee way) MAN!"
BECAUSE ACE GOT MORE VOTES THAN KATHARINE. The world? Quite possibly insane. Yep. What the hell were you thinking, America?! GOSH!
Thankfully, America did not completely let me down, but this CANNOT happen again or I will have to swear off this show forever. FOREVAH, I say! Like I totally did last season when Constantine was voted off and I was like, "I shall never watch American Idol again! NEVAH!" 'Cha. Take THAT, American Idol. Okay, sure, my resolve only lasted until the next week, but still! I mean it this time! Probably!
Confession #2: At Kristine's urging, I created an official American Idol blog on the www.idolonfox.com website. I feel like such a commercial sell-out!
Of course, I'm actually just re-posting my DWM AI posts to my brand-spankin' new AI blog. But damned if they don't BLEEP me, y'all! I can't say DAMN! Or HORNY! (But I can say "ass" and "hell" so WTF?) I have to go back and fix my posts in those spots because "BLEEP"? Well, it doesn't quite covey the sentiments I am oh-so-eloquently trying to express with my strategically well-placed potty-mouthing. Plus, it's so Network Channel 1989. Honestly. It's 2006! There is partial nudity on TV now! Am I right? Well, AM I?! And I can't say "damn"? This is not to even mention the fact that Lisa sang a song with the word "damn" in it and she's only SIXTEEN years old. I'm freaking thirt... um, twenty-something years old, for God's sake! I ask you, where's the justice?
Hee. AI let a sixteen-year-old sing the word "damn" and they won't let me blog it. Heh. What sillies.
But anyhoos, it's FUN to post over there because these, wacky, angry, die-hard fans of contestants I may not recap in the most, um, let's say flattering manner get ALL up in my grill over the least little thing. And hey, for the record, I didn't say Kellie looked like a hooker; that was all TGIM. Hello?! I put quotes. DUH. Too. Funny. But I like to give 'em a hard time, so no biggie. I mean, honestly. If people are gonna be calling me names, I'm gonna be sayin' something back, fo' rizzle! WOO!
Anyhoos, here's the link.
Confession #3: My little Mack is going to have her tonsils and adenoids surgically removed from her body and she is FUH-REEKING out, and all I keep thinking is how bad it's going to suck when she hauls off and decks the poor nurse who is attempting to stick an IV in her arm, then hops off the table and hits the floor running, all the while screaming, "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" I hope they give her a sedative first, that's all I'm saying. Screw that! I hope they give ME a sedative first. Or, oooooh, a shot of whiskey to dull the pain, perhaps? Oh, get your fingers off CPS Speed Dial and step away from the phone. I meant for me. Because OH! EM! GEE! The surgery thing? It's going to suck. Hardcore suckage. Yep.
And is it weird that I hope the doctors save the tonsils and adenoids and send them home with her in a little jar of formaldehyde?
*sigh*
I thought so.
12 Comments:
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Ms. Junie commented:
OMG Cat i was so upset that Katharine was in the bottom two--because WHY? Why would she be in the bottom at all?? I totally don't get it. Either people aren't voting, or only the stupid people in America are voting or they fixed the votes to threaten us with bad things, to get more people voting..makes me grumpy and if she goes soon i will be mad and not watch anymore..just the same as when Constantine went.. I stopped watching just like you. For a whole week :). But I definitely threatened to never watch again..and couldn't stay away..
Sending good vibes for the tonsil adnoid surgery..i had my tonsils out at age 23..she will be ok but hopefully they give her a sedative. I'd ask that ASAP--since she's so nervous. Either give her one or you! :)- » 3/30/2006 5:56 PM
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ieatcrayonz commented:
Don't forget that "piss" is also BLEEPed out.
I kind of thought that Katharine was faking the nervousness when she was up there with Bucky. If it were me, I'd be all, "Yeah, I'll put on my show face because COME ON, it's ME and BUCKY!" I'm totally safe.
How wrong we were. Oh, and the radio hosts call her "McBoob" here. Think the Idol blog will BLEEP that out?- » 3/30/2006 9:19 PM
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Natalie Gordon commented:
My little guy had his tonsils and adnoids removed when he was 4 or 5. They gave him a sedative (I think it's called Versed? It made him loopy and really controlled the anxiety), and he handled it beautifully. I wanted the tonsils in a jar (I think the adnoids had to be scraped out, and probably wouldn't have looked very interesting) but they said no. He has been SO much healthier since then - he used to get really high fevers every 3 or 4 weeks, and he even had febrile seizures - totally scarry. But his little voice is totally nasally in the nasal now. The good news is that he can still be an American Idol.
- » 3/30/2006 11:16 PM
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Charlotte in Pa commented:
Note to self: Trying to focus on one of Cat's posts when you are exhausted may be harmful to your mental well being.
Seriously, sister - sometimes I feel like there are many people blogging here all at the same time. Do you know how someone is trying to tell you a story and someone else who knows the story, too is there and is trying to add color commentary? And partway into the story, they're all like, "Yeah. It was so f-ing scary, dude. That guy was CRAZY! Remember that shirt he had on? Anyway... continue." And then person #1 resumes the story... and person #2 yells, "No, no! You forgot the part where..." And person #1 says, "Noooo... you're thinking of something else." And they argue for five minutes and they go off on a tangent and then you have to remind them of what story they were telling in the first place? Yeah, it's kind of like that. But in a good way. :-)- » 3/31/2006 5:46 AM
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Cat commented:
misty: I think there are too many psychos out there voting to save people like Bucky and Kellie. For what reason, I could not say. But they are out there, I'm telling you. I was HORRIFIED. (And I 'm glad to know I wasn't the only one who couldn't stay away last year! Heh. I had such good intentions...)
ieatcrayonz: "Piss"? Really? Well taht's just grrrrreat. Now I have to go back and see if I used the word "pissed" anywhere and change it to "peeved" or "riled" or "irritated" or "roiled" or, ooooh, "miffed!" Totally miffed. Or "steamed"?
Oh my GOSH, natgo! You mean her voice will be even MORE nasally all up in the nasal?! Well, FREAK. For some reason, I thought it would improve that. Well this really steams me (eh? eh?), I tell you what...
And thanks for the tip, Nat. (I am sending you an email!)
charlotte: Hee. I know, right? My stream of consciousness style tends to lean more toward a hyperactive split personality disorder style, with a side of psycho... Eh. Whatcha gonna do?- » 3/31/2006 5:55 AM
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Nilbo commented:
See, I don't even bother to threaten not to watch any more, because I have issued so many empty threats in the past and America clearly does not seem to take them into account even a little bit when it is voting. In fact, my love for a particular performer is the surest way to have them in the bottom three and out the door. The curse of Nilbo.
So I will not curse Katharine. I will not say boldly and without fear of rational contradiction that she may well be one of the most talented performers they've ever had on that sad, sorry little show, and that unlike certain pretty boys who get by on shooting the camera smouldering looks and growlig at all the little girls and giving them preadolescent thigh sweats, Katharine can actually sing the hell out of any damn song.
I hate the concept of leaving the winner of this thing up to the American public. I'm sorry, but the American public gave us George W. Bush. Twice. If that's what they do for President, how can we possibly trust the pubic when something actually IMPORTANT comes up for a vote?- » 3/31/2006 6:49 AM
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WILLIAM commented:
Hi Cat.
Good luck with the Surgery thing. Please take pictures of the Tonsils in the formaldehyde and post them.- » 3/31/2006 7:11 AM
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Unknown commented:
Good luck to (you and) Mack on the surgery. I really hope all goes well for you both.
Hugs!- » 3/31/2006 8:05 AM
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LadyBug commented:
When's the surgery? Be sure and let us know, so we can be praying for ya'll that day, okay girlie?
Hm. That's all I got this morning. Sorry. I'm not quite halfway through my coffee.- » 3/31/2006 8:24 AM
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WILLIAM commented:
FYI- I may be out of the loop on the whole access hollywood thing but I just read an article that Wee Ryan and Teri Hatcher are hooking up? whats up with that?
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commented:
WILLIAM! Unless you want to get your cyberarse (that would be AI exceptable right?) kicked, YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT TERRI! shhhhhhhhhh. I'll protect you from Cat this once, but after that boy...you're on your own.
oh and Cat:
My stream of consciousness style tends to lean more toward a hyperactive split personality disorder style, with a side of psycho... Eh. Whatcha gonna do?
THAT needs to be your tagline!! forever.
Kristine- » 3/31/2006 11:00 AM
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Cat commented:
Ry-Ry? Teri HATCHER? Really?! (*SOB*)
"I'm hurt... and confused... and don't know what to say..."
(Okay, anyone-- besides a relative-- who can tell me who I'm quoting totally wins a virtual smooch! I dare you! If it helps, say it with a sort of Kellie Pickler accent...)- » 3/31/2006 7:10 PM