Is it just me, or was Paula uncharacteristically lucid last night with her comments making sense and whatnot? Huh. WEIRD. Like Twilight Zone weird. She must have hired better writers, which, hey... good call.
GEORGE! Hi, George! 'Sup? Dude. George got hosed. I couldn't even watch the rest of Season 3 after they dumped George. George was AWESOME. Love you, George!
Lisa -- Girl? That was Un!COMFORTABLE! What were you thinking? Even the judges were like, "The hell?!" Buh-bye.
Kellie -- Um, Pickles? Don't wink at the camera, especially when you're singing off key, mm'kay? It's tacky. And honestly, I didn't hate the performance. I know, right? My world is spinning out of control! I therefore damn you with faint praise.
Chris -- Why you so angry, Chris, huh? Why? With the yelling? And the angry glaring? Anyhoos, I can't believe-- Ooooh! Looky! Smoke! Lasers! ooooooh... aaaaah... Um, what? Er, okay, while I am sure you are a lovely, lovely person, I really don't need to see all the way up your nose (okey dokey, Mr. Cameraman?). I knew you'd do Creed. Effing Creed, man. I totally won the office pool. Ha! Thank you, my little one trick pony! But hey, I'm digging the scruff, so there you go.
Taylor -- The stylists are sure treating you right, Taylor, totally working their magic because... Woo! And rawr. You are looking almost disturbingly hawt. And that performance was oh-so-soulful and darn purty, I tell you what. Judges? Crackheads. That being said, I want my Soul Patrol (Woot!) back, okay? Okay? See, I like the funky dancing and the crazy twisting and the snapping and especially the woo!ing. C'mon! But still, love you big lots. (Seriously, dude's too good for this competition. I'm not even kidding. I'd totally pirate his record, I like him THAT much.)
Mandisa -- Eh. That was SOOO yelly. I'm so over the yelly. And the camera people kept taking the song in an unnecessarily literal manner because whenever you said the word "bottom"...? Yeah. I'd kick someone's ass if I were you because denim isn't at all forgiving, you know what I'm saying? But still, it's strange, I suddenly feel as if Jesus totally loves me. Yep. Totally feeling saved and stuff. Which is way cool, so bonus. Can I hear a big AMEN?!
Bucky -- Again, my world? Out of control. See, I kind of liked this. No, really. I am so not kidding. And the little slidy dance move thingy? So cute. But not loving the hat. I'm serious. The hat is bad, dude. Listen to what I say. Oh, and ajdhsa ajsdfgh gheir, okay? What? You couldn't understand what I just said? Well, I guess now you know how I feel! GOSH!
Ace -- What did I say about the nasally all up in the nasal bidness, huh? HUH?! It's so incredibly unpleasant. And if that shirt ain't coming all the way off, don't break out the Dirty Diana Shirt Rip, you hear me? No one likes a tease. And it was so clearly a desperate attempt for votes from the female (and way gay) demo; it was a little embarrassing for me to watch, actually. But oh, did I laugh. Yes indeedy. Then I was like, "Oh... DUDE. Just, no." Gosh. I am so over you, Ace. But still... pretty. Go in to acting or modeling, dude. Something where we can just look at you, 'cause you are SO not anyone's Father Figure anymore and that's the truth. (Paula? Two words: Corey Clark. Yeah. You must chill.)
Katharine -- You attempt Christina? Whoa. Ballsy move, my friend. Ballsy move. The judges are all, "Best of the night!" and I'm like, "Huh. They must be laying off the crack." Which is good because drugs can KILL. But you are not allowed to dress yourself anymore, Kat. Because COME ON.
Paris -- Oh, girl. The hair? For the love of God, WHY? Man, I hate it when Simon is right. Sure, your voice was fanfreakingtastic on this song, but the dancing? Totally made me feel dirty. You would so get detention if you got caught busting the freak like that at a school dance. I'm just saying.
Elliott -- You are no Bo and that's all I have to say about that... because I totally miss him and his flingy hair and growling and mic stand acrobatics and why doesn't anyone do any of that this season and anyway you can't compare but that's okay dude, because it's totally not YOUR fault that you aren't Bo and you're growing on me. I just wasn't feeling the Bo-ness. I did, however, feel a tad bit of Marky Mark-ness. Which is unfortunate. That is all.
Off to watch Chicken Little with the kiddos! Right now a big ol' fat pig and an ugly duckling are singing karaoke and it is insanely funny: "So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha!" Man. (*shakes head affectionately*) Those Spice Girls.
And now I've just learned several new idioms for urination: pee, tinkle, whiz... make pishy?
What are we talking about?
Hee! This movie's FUN.
17 Comments:
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Tammy commented:
That was so very funny. I, unfortunately, missed AI last night due to a T-ball game. However, it is on TiVo and I plan to watch it the minute I get home. No clothes change, no potty. Nothing. Just AI.
I just wish Elliot didn't look like a garden gnome.- » 3/29/2006 3:31 PM
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Nilbo commented:
Ok, Elliot, if they are not shooting at you or swinging baseball bats at your head, please don't spend two minutes ducking, bobbing and weaving.
I heart Kellie Pickles because I really think she'd be so much fun to trick. Sadly, to some her flatline persona is wearing thin, so I fear she will be gone soon.
Shaved head guy with ugly, pathetic beard: stop yelling at me. I did nothing to you, so no. more. yelling.
I am impervious to Ace's alleged charms. Go home, little eye-batty boy. Two words: SINGING COMPETITION. The eye shit didn't work for Constantinople and it won't work for you. Kinda need the talent. Sorry. Thanks for playing.
I loves me some Katherine. Talent alone - no competition. Which makes me so sad, because she WILL lose.
This is now where I come for updates. You make me laugh. Almost as much as Randy, who ... well, at least we know what kind of record he wants to make. Oh, wait, no - that was HIS vocal tic.
And hee: word verification is wtfdawp!!! Seriously. Wtf, dawg.- » 3/29/2006 5:06 PM
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Cat commented:
Tammy: Really. You did not miss much. I'm being serious here. It was a total suckfest. SERIOUSLY. Have fun! ;)
NILBO! Kelly's NILBO! I am, like, so incredibly HONORED by your presence and that is God's honest truth, I tell you what. I always LOVE reading your witty/scathing/ofttimes poignant comments on KLOG. [/end gushing] So... welcome. And WTF, dawg?! right back at'cha.- » 3/29/2006 5:25 PM
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Nilbo commented:
*blush* yeah, enough. I'm here, and the more I read the more I realize I should have been here long before now. If only to bask in the AI snark, which is the best brand of snark there can be.
Is it me, or when one of the contestants chooses to perform a song by a former AI winner, does the entire franchise begin to disappear up its own ass ...?- » 3/29/2006 5:43 PM
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Ms. Junie commented:
Now wait a minute Nilbo! lol Constinople's eyes worked for ME..(Constantine :) his eyes were at least sexy.. Ace who is PRETTY...however, has the sad puppy look way too much..it's starting to frighten me.
I do have to say that I liked Paris the first two shows and now I completely do NOT Heart HER..:(
Kellie is cute because she is probably the only AI contestant who says "I'm sorry!" when the judges comment negatively..- » 3/29/2006 5:57 PM
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Nilbo commented:
*rubbing hands with glee*
I was imprecise, Misty, and I apologize. When I said Constantinople's eye shit didn't work, I meant, of course, in the general sense as opposed to the particular sense. His batty-batty, stare-into-the-camera "you are getting sleepy ... you will believe I have talent ... you will convince yourself I do not sound like an honourable mention plaue winner at the Tuesday night karaoke contest at the Airport Ramada Inn Lounge (try our Buffalo Wings!")" technique clearly DID work for a certain demographic. Sadly for him, that demographic wasn't enough to keep him going and his 15 minutes just trickled away.
But I'm sure that won't happen to Ace.
(I kid Constantinople fans because ... I mean, really ... how can you not?)- » 3/29/2006 6:49 PM
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Random and Odd commented:
Nilbo...you MUST go back to the beginning of Cat's AI rantings. Last season she had me laughing so hard I peed myself on a weekly basis.
Yeah...get on the Cat Train!!
Cat, I uh...kinda talked you up a 'ho bunch. Don't mind the comment at the end about your crush.- » 3/29/2006 7:14 PM
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LadyBug commented:
Sigh.
Well, instead of enlightening me and filling the AI-sized hole in my soul, your post just made me wish all the more that I'd seen it.
Oh, don't get me wrong. Everything I've heard says it was B.A.D., but still I feel...
Well, I just feel so left out of the snark. *sniff*- » 3/29/2006 7:38 PM
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Ms. Junie commented:
Nilbo, I don't mind the kidding..I am used to it in my own home (hubby and son laughing at my Constantine tshirt).. but seriously..did you all know that Ryan Seacrest was dating Teri Hatcher?! I mean i saw PICTURES..and kissing..i just pictured him with someone a bit younger i guess..
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Nilbo commented:
I'm not buying it. I always figured "Seacrest ... out!" was his way of saying "C'mon, Mr. Cruise. If I can declare, so can you."
- » 3/29/2006 8:21 PM
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Ms. Junie commented:
I am downright shocked at tonight's bottom three. No not the bottom three. Just at who was in the bottom two for the first time! That is so wrong it's not even funny..sigh. Won't type it in case someone hasn't seen the show yet..but i am just disgusted..how can that be??
- » 3/29/2006 8:36 PM
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Cat commented:
Seriously, America. What the hell is wrong with you?! Katharine in the Bottom Three?! Seriously, I would have been totally done with it. Really. I'm not even kidding.
Teri better just STEP OFF my wee Ryan, I tell you what. I am so going to cut that biznotch...
(JK, they look awkwardly cute, right? Like, Aaaaaw Cute.- » 3/29/2006 9:37 PM
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Random and Odd commented:
cat...i love you!
I went to your IdolonFox blog...EVERYONE loves you. You rock.
I'm a crazed Cat fan now huh?
I think I only watch the show so I can read your reviews.
Oh, and you know what Saturday marks? ONE YEAR since the Constantine April FOols Joke that rocked the world as we know it.
I wonder what Shaun has up his sleeve this year for you?- » 3/30/2006 2:08 AM
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ieatcrayonz commented:
I'm glad to hear you are over Ace. Still think he's a better singer than Constantine.
I was so feeling the Taylor, although I would have gone for a tad longer leather jacket rather than the Members Only replica. You should check out graycharles.com
I'm off to your idol blog now!- » 3/30/2006 8:19 AM
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LadyBug commented:
Hey Cat, I can't find the linky-dinky to your Idol blog. Can you post it, pretty please?
- » 3/30/2006 8:31 AM
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Nilbo commented:
IdolonFox blog? Huh? Am I missing something? Well, clearly so ... so the question is more properly "What am I missing?"
- » 3/30/2006 11:08 AM
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Cat commented:
Oh, I'm actually just re-posting my DWM AI posts to my brand-spankin' new AI blog. But they BLEEP me, y'all! I can't say DAMN! Or HORNY! (But I can say "ass" and "hell" so WTF?)
But it's FUN because die-hard fans of contestants I may not recap in the most, um, let's say flattering manner get ALL up in my grill! Too. FUNNY. I like to give 'em a hard time. I meant, honestly. If people are gonna be calling me names, I'm gonna be sayin' something back, fo' rizzle! WOO!
Here's the link:
http://myidol.idolonfox.com/blogs/catsdream- » 3/30/2006 3:26 PM