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Desperate Working Mommas
Your one-stop site for fanatical television snarking, questionable political analysis, occasional attempts to address the parenting issues facing working mothers, and halfhearted promises to stop obsessing about the entertainment industry, already! Oh, not to mention the random bitching and moaning. There's always that.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
How to Charm the Ever-Loving Socks Off Me

** Devote every waking moment that isn't spent hurrying through homework or re-reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to practicing magic tricks, card tricks, and sleight of hand. Then, after asking (read: forcing) me, your sisters, and TGIM to sit through The Great Tanndini's Magic Show, spend the majority of the time either threatening your sisters with imminent death if they reveal your secrets or muttering, "Wait... just a sec... let me do that over..." before finally astounding us with your mad magic skillz, thus assuring us that the magic set we gave you for your tenth birthday was a stroke of absolute genius (read: utter madness).

** When asked to get your stinky, smelly, eight-year-old self into the shower after an afternoon of hardcore playground, er... playing-- because I won't have you going to school smelling like butt, that's why-- you strip down to your undies and proceed to dance in the Naughty Zone (tm mrtl), shimmying and shaking your booty all the way to the bathroom while shouting "Momma, lookit! Momma, look at me! Look!" between giggles. (What?! I sure didn't teach her that...)

** After running circles around the basketball courts like a cute little six-year-old Energizer bunny hopped up on sugar and caffeine-- eyes glued to the sky, golden-blonde curls bouncing, upper lip buttoned firmly by your lower in concentration as you maneuver your $3.99 dragon kite to find the best wind on the playground-- approach me, pink cheeked and breathing hard, dragging your kite by two yards of string strung out behind you, and beg for a "small sip" from my water bottle. After taking three greedy, unladylike gulps and exhaling loudly with satisfaction, carelessly wipe the back of your hand across your mouth, hand back the bottle, and say with a reassuring grin, "Don't worry, Momma. I didn't mouthwash."

That, coupled with your earnest belief that you will absolutely never ever be able to get that "sticky tree zap" off the bottom of your foot and-- grr! argh!-- will I please just get off the computer and help you, compels me ask myself, "Self? Can't she stay this adorable forever?"

link | posted by Cat at 5:45 AM

Blogger WILLIAM commented:

The next time I move, I plan to buy a house that has the space to install a miniature stage (and Light booth) just for the sole purpose of having magic shows and stage productions done by my kids.

» 3/14/2006 7:01 AM 
Blogger Odd Mix commented:

A) giving a child anything with "kit" in its name is by definitition "utter maddness".
B)We have seen the videos of you snaking and numa-numaing (I'm sure that is not a word). So quit denying.
C) Where'd you get a dragon kite for $3.99? I paid almost $10 at Costco.

You have great kids! I love reading about their (and your) latest antics.

» 3/14/2006 8:11 AM 
Blogger Circus Kelli commented:

Awwww... a-freakin-dorable, Cat. Just like their Mama.

» 3/14/2006 8:19 AM 
Blogger LadyBug commented:

Awwww...TOO CUTE!

» 3/14/2006 9:14 AM 
Blogger hemlock commented:

Sounds like her "little sip" is much like my dad's "daddy sized bites".

It's hardly fair.

» 3/14/2006 9:52 AM 
Anonymous Kristine commented:

I'm going to be late dropping off my brats because I was reading your blog.
Youi're such a damn bad influence.

boy, that last line is a humdinger to say.

» 3/14/2006 10:28 AM 
Blogger Annejelynn commented:

she's edible!

» 3/14/2006 12:13 PM 
Blogger Cat commented:

william: When I was a child and my parents were having plans drawn up for a new house they wanted to build, the architect (who was admittedly a little "off") designed a lit stage just like that for them! For serious! And I was all, "Oooooh! Do it! DO IT!" and they looked at me and were like, "Oh, HELL no..." I know, right? Rude.

odd mix: Oh, sure, throw all that in my face! Heh. She picked up her kite at some hobby shop downtown, but TGIM took her so I have no idea what shop specifically. She was very proud to have Shopped The Sale.

CK: Aw, stop, you. I'm blushing. (Thanks!)

ladybug: (with Monica Gellar voice) I know!

leafgirl77: Ah, 'tis true. And guess where she learned it? From HER daddy, of course! If you let TGIM have a "little sip" then you can just kiss your drink good-bye, and that's the truth. Little stinkers. ;)

kristine: I'm a bad influence? Really? Woo! AWESOME. (*rubs hands together and laughs with maniacal glee*) Who shall I corrupt next?

annejelynn: There will be no eating of the children! Bad, annejelynn! Bad!

» 3/14/2006 12:58 PM 
Blogger wordgirl commented:

Was the 8-year-old doing the Axl Rose "Snake Dance". If so, I think I know where she learned it.

» 3/14/2006 5:34 PM 
Blogger dashababy commented:

I love the way you describe/write. It draws a beautiful picture that has great texture to it along with smells. You love your kids and that is a sweet thing to share. Thanks :)

» 3/14/2006 6:23 PM 
Blogger Vajana commented:

Oh the magic shows are always such a great time. And thank goodness for no 'mouthwash'.

Your kids are hilarious.

» 3/15/2006 7:23 AM 
Anonymous Random And Odd commented:

*looking around*
Uh. where is it? Where is the update?
I am DIEING to hear you rip America a new one for keeping 'blinky' on AI for more than 2 seconds.
Gideon was at home screaming at the TV last night as he watched blinky sing 'part time lover.'

» 3/15/2006 12:48 PM 

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