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Desperate Working Mommas
Your one-stop site for fanatical television snarking, questionable political analysis, occasional attempts to address the parenting issues facing working mothers, and halfhearted promises to stop obsessing about the entertainment industry, already! Oh, not to mention the random bitching and moaning. There's always that.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Soul Patrol! Woo!

I'm standing outside my house catching someone's wireless. I feel so naughty. And cold. I'm pretty cold. So quickly:

Gedeon: When A Man Loves A Woman (Percy Sledge)- *sigh* You're just going to keep doing the talking thing, aren't you. Whatev. I am so over it. I think the boy is very, very talented. Like, ginormously talented. A little bit "special," if you know what I'm saying. Like savant special. Which is AWESOME! He did a great job with this, sounded older than his years, actually. But I hate. listening. to. him. talk. So... not so over it, apparently.

Chris: Broken (Seether)- You know what? Dude's insanely hot. What? I just noticed! Hey, Chris. How you doin'? I like your shirt and the way it hugs your muscular-- Okay! Fine. That being said, I like this song SO much better with Amy Lee's harmonies. Way to reign it in after that sucky opening note! Good on you. That was pretty hot. I love the feel of your voice. So radio-friendly. Take the gig with Fuel, Chris! Run, baby! Run!

Kevin: Vincent (Don McLean)- Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Is it over yet? Is it? No? Zzzzzzzzzzzz...

What in the word does Simon WANT? Ayla is "too old" singing "Unwritten" which was recorded for a teen movie soundtrack, and Kevin is "juvenile" singing a song older than Dick Clark? Even if it was pretty? I'm perplexed, that's all I'm saying... Oh, no, y'all. Ryan and Simon are totally going to break up right on national television. UN. COMFORTABLE.

Hey! Taylor met Christopher Cross! Taylor met Christopher Cross! TGIM is going to be SOOOOOOO jealous. And dude... who doesn't like that song from Tootsie?! Am I right? Wait. You know what sucks? I never ever meet famous people, that's what. Humph.Well, except that one time when Alan Thicke was on the same flight as me on my Senior Trip to Disneyland and all the other seniors and I stood and applauded (because we were weird?) and he was a complete jackass about it so of course we turned on him and commenced heckling (because we were teenagers?) and I could never watch Growing Pains again without feelings of residual anger.


Bucky: Wave on Wave (Pat Green)- Boomhauer, you've got a crazy way of standing, but you know what? I'm feeling you, dawg. Weird. I totally don't know this song, so I have no frame of reference. But it seems a'ight. Well that's just grrrrreat. That means Will is so going home Thursday if he doesn't pick a kickin' song. Oh lordy, there are TWO OF THEM! Bucky and Rocky? What, did their parents hate them? Hey. The twin is kind of cute. Shut up.

Will: How Sweet It Is (James Taylor)- Oh, honey. What happened? Did you ever find that note? And holy shmoly you can't pick the right song to save your live, can you? Didn't you learn ANYTHING from A-Fed last season?! *snap* *snap* PAY ATTENTION! Honestly, you have a tremendous energy and a beautiful, well-trained voice that is pleasant to listen to. Oh, and hello? You equal freaking adorable? Give it another go in about five years when you've lost the Partridge Family vibe and you will absolutely kick ass, I just know it. I shall miss you, my sweet little Donny Osmond doppelganger.

My six-year-old daughter just said, "Oh, Momma, he's my TV boyfriend!" Heh. Simon, you apparently overshot a little with that "eleven-year-olds will love you!" comment.

Taylor: Takin' It to the Streets (The Doobie Brothers)- GOOD HEAVENS. I will have nightmares about that stupid bunny rabbit, I'm so not kid-- Aaaah! Call 9-1-1! Call 9-1-1! Taylor's having some sort of fit! Or a seizure! Come ON, people! Hurry! He's... okay. He's okay. Oh. He was just "dancing." ("Woo! Soul Patrol!") My bad. Taylor I love that you love what you do. I really do. Um, love it, that is. You just totally made my night. I paused, rewound, and listened to you with my eyes closed and you sounded hawt. Then I paused, rewound, and watched you again because how entertaining was THAT?! I was giggling and rocking out right there with you! You ain't got a rhythm bone in your body, my friend, but-- as God is my witness-- you have SOUL. (Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol! Woo!) I'm willing to bet this performance will be the high point of the evening.

Elliott: Heaven (Bryan Adams)- Oh, no you D'INT! You cannot just go and sing a Bryan Adams song like that. That's my era baby, and honestly? That sucked. And Randy? Crackhead. That was so NOT awesome. It was bland and boring and there was weird vibrato in all the wrong places and it WAS NOT BRYAN ADAMS. (I loved Bryan Adams. He wore his sunglasses at night, did you know? I totally need this song on my iPod.) Oooh, DING! Idea: Elliot, you should have worn sunglasses. You know, while you sang? That would have been fun! You would have still sucked, but you would have looked COOL while sucking. Oh, looky there. Paula is flinging her drink at you, but don't worry-- I don't think she means anything by it.

Ace: You Give Me Butterflies (Michael Jackson) Hello! That was a truckload of falsetto, wasn't it? Woo, boy! You were up in the rafters on that one, I tell you what! Wait. Are YOU Paris's dude in the rafters? The guy Favoring her? If so, I've got two words for you: JAIL and BAIT. Think about it. Mmmm... you so pretty, boy. So, so pretty... I... just want... to pinch... your rosy... cheeks... so, so pretty... kDSJsakdfhJSHKasfahfg... What? Who? (*pulls self together*) Good thing, too, because I can almost forgive you for singing a song with lyrics that put me in a very, VERY bad visual place. There's a reason why Michael Jackson fled the country, you know. So... ew? But I liked it. I even closed my eyes in an attempt at impartiality. I only peeked twice, too. Maybe three times. Okay, five tops. Well done, secret AI luvah!

Going home? Kevin and Will. But I will miss Will. He totally brought it on himself, sure, but still. Donny!

(Conspiracy Theory: Shhhhh, but I hear that Will's mother has been terrorizing the hotel staff and producers. Total biznitch. I bet The Powers That Be have just been dying to get rid of her, because honestly, Will hasn't been ALL suck, no matter what the judges have been saying. Hey, I liked Lady. Deal with it.)

link | posted by Cat at 7:18 PM


9 Comments:
Blogger LadyBug commented:

I'm watching AI right now! But I won't leave any spoilers, in case you haven't seen it.

I think you're spot on with the guys. Gedeon makes my skin crawl. Last night, when Simon told him, "You're growing on me," I shouted, "Like a Fungus!" Blech.

P.S. to Circus Kelli (cause I know she'll be by): My word ver has WOO in it. No kidding! (it's ywoowak) Hee.

» 3/09/2006 7:44 PM 
Blogger mrtl commented:

It was crazy watching this show, what with the constant, "That was HOT!" for performances that were totally crappy.

Anyhoo, am I the only one who'd love to hear Bucky sing the Spin Doctors' "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong"?

For the record, I deleted part of my comment out of respect for you and your blog. Let's just say I wasn't impressed by Ace's performance.

» 3/09/2006 8:07 PM 
Blogger Cat commented:

mrtl, please note that I really didn't focus too much of my commentary on Ace's actual singing voice...

;)

» 3/09/2006 8:18 PM 
Anonymous Cristin in NJ commented:

snork..."like a fungus" HA ladybug!

and I have to agree with mrtl about Bucky, perfect song for him.

I think this has been my favorite,so far, of your AI wrap-ups. I was grinning at Taylor's dance so much I felt like Gedeon. For a second, and then I shuddered and snapped out of it, but I loves me some Taylor.

» 3/09/2006 8:49 PM 
Blogger Mandy commented:

You are always able to make me laugh! Whether or not we agree on everyone, I always LOVE to read your reviews!
You truly crack me up!

» 3/09/2006 9:34 PM 
Blogger NatGo commented:

I love Taylor! Love Love LOVE him!

Last night, I commented that finally he was singing Michael McDonald, which I've been anticipating, and now my boy calls him Old McDonald.

Secret revelation about me? That's how I dance, too. But I have no soul. Which makes me appreciate those that do. Which is why I love love LOVE Taylor!

» 3/09/2006 10:44 PM 
Blogger WILLIAM commented:

Seriously Heckling Alan Thicke is way too funny and deserve's a post of it's own. If the old hag at border's get's a post than I think Alan should get one? Please...

» 3/10/2006 5:00 AM 
Anonymous Liza commented:

totally agree with ya for bucky, ace, and a few of the others. i was really glad to see the ones who went go home!!

i did my judging if you wanna check them out.

» 3/10/2006 8:06 AM 
Blogger Amy commented:

Great post, as per usual. I liked when you lost control of your hands on the keyboard over Ace. Funny!

» 3/10/2006 9:55 AM 

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