Hi. We don't know each other very well, so I'm not completely sure how you will take this. But it must be said. Oh yes, it must.
Here's the thing: I don't want to talk to you in the ladies restroom. I don't want to shake your hand and I certainly don't want you to pat my shoulder and ask, "So what's going on with you? I haven't seen you in a while!" I don't want to stand next to the sinks chatting while folks are pooping and peeing just steps away with only an ineffectual metal barrier between us. And do I even need to mention the smell? Do I? I don't want to get you "caught up" on the latest project. Not in there. I really, REALLY don't. I just want to do my thing and GET OUT. So why do you keep approaching me. WHY?!
I mean, do men do this? Or do they just compare sizes and get the hell out of there? I guess I may just be imagining that they do that, actually. I better ask my husband. Like he would tell me. But I would totally do that if I were a guy. I'm just sayin'.
I've decided the next time this happens, I'll beat you to the punch, okay? I'll shake your hand, pat your shoulder, look you straight in the eyes and say with aplomb, "I couldn't help but overhear that frickin' awesome bowel movement you just had. Do you take fiber?"
3 Comments:
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Unknown commented:
Cat darlin, your picture shows you to be a thinner, almost petite woman. I'll bet you never had some random co-worker (who happens to be taller and built on a larger frame) enter the bathroom, see you washing your hands at the sink, look down at your ass and say "Wow! LOOK HOW TINY YOU ARE! I mean really! Look! You're so SMALL! SERIOUSLY." And with that "SERIOUSLY" she proceeds to (and I *wish* I was making this up!) press her hips into my backside in an effort to show just how much of her hips I can still see in the mirror when she stands behind me.
I would like to add, however, that I am NOT that small, nor am I tiny. I was wearing a longer shirt and a certain pair of jeans with boots that make me appear to be a smaller than I really am.
I was so stunned, I could only stand there, speechless, turning 90 different shades of red and try to get away from her as quickly as possible while *praying no one else came into the bathroom*...- » 2/19/2005 8:51 PM
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Cat commented:
OH. MAH. GAWD.
Nuh-UH! No, no, and NO! Butt squooshing and/or attempted spooning in a public restroom I simply CANNOT condone. Why would a person DO that?! Honestly. I thought the touching and the corraling into conversation was bad... Perspective, eh?
Butt, the question I must assk: weren't you a TEENSY little bit flattered, you know, somewhere underneath the humiliation and fear of someone walking in?- » 2/20/2005 5:07 AM
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Unknown commented:
Cat, well... yeah, I was. But seriously, being spooned by another woman in a public restroom... no thank you.
- » 2/20/2005 11:33 AM