Warning: Conspiracy Theory Alert! Do not attempt to decipher the following "logic" unless you have approximately 182 hours of American Idol viewership under your belt. Otherwise, your overburdened brain could explode. Abort! I repeat, DO NOT ATTEMPT! ABORT!
Oh, come ON! "Excruciating"? Wha'?! Anthony was actually GOOD last night, and all he got was a lousy "It was a'ight..." from Randy. Before the judges said a word, I was all up in TGIM's grill, shouting, "Oh, they'll have to give him props for THAT!" And, yes, I did in actuality use the word "props," which just goes to show you that too much television will indeed rot your brain and you may use my story as a cautionary tale for all your boob-tube-riveted friends and family if you wish. But I digress.
Alas! The aforementioned props were not in the cards for our European Idol. Oh no. No indeed. Um, hello? Constructive criticism? Heard of it? Honestly. Anwar gives a downright sucky performance and the judges at least FOCUS for a moment and tell him what they would like to see him fix. Oh. Well, except for Paula, who, while higher than Russia's Mir Space Station, was too busy slurring her effusive, unwarranted compliments, stealing Bo's hat, closing her eyes, swaying, and just feeling the music, yo. And by the way, why doesn't anyone mention that freaky wide-eyed thing Anwar keeps doing? That would be helpful. In an effort to, you know, keep it real, dawg.
Not that I want Anthony to win, for Pete's sake. I still really love Carrie. Vonzell may be finally showing up, if you know what I'm sayin', but Carrie's vocals are always solidly on. In essence, she rocks. Consistently. But Anthony certainly has not done as poorly as Simon lets on. I would just like to see Simon-- crackhead, puppet-master extraordinaire-- stop attempting to manipulate the voting AI public. But what is he REALLY trying to do? That is the question. Oh yes.
To wit: Does Simon legitimately dislike Anthony's vocal stylings and therefore would like to see him eliminated from the competition? Or does he secretly LIKE Anthony and is simply using reverse psychology in an effort to make people feel sorry for Anthony and vote for him, like, a gajillion times so he DOESN'T get eliminated? However, neither of these possible explanations shed any light on why the TPTB chose to stick the worst possible excerpt from Anthony's performance in the recaps at the end of the show.
It's a crazy, mixed up world, y'all. A world in which Bo makes bad pun jokes, severely damaging his street cred; Nadia quickly metamorphoses from edgy rocker to simply spunky; Constantine manages to smarm his way into my heart; Nikko continues to inappropriately grope himself on stage; Vonzell suddenly decides to make an appearance in the competition; Blinky (a.k.a.: Scott) appears to let nerves, bad song choices, and his biological father's rejection get to him; Anwar is exposed as a one-trick, big note, Moon River balladeer; Jessica chooses songs that are obscure and fail to showcase her talent; Anthony appears dazed and confused as to why he is continuously shat upon by the judges, and Carrie blows everyone away with her powerful, yet ever-so-slightly twangy, vocals.
Crazy, I tell you.
6 Comments:
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Random and Odd commented:
What IS up with Paula? She looked drunk last week and this week she was on anti anxiety pills!!
Constantine has icky teeth and scary eyes!!- » 3/30/2005 11:33 AM
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commented:
Thanks for the recap, Cat. I was off playing bunco last night. Woo hoo! Bunco!
Maybe Nyquil is Paula's friend, too.- » 3/30/2005 11:38 AM
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Cat commented:
Soul patches BUG. Seriously. I think this is because a guy friend of mine has one, and his best friend told me that "the ladies likey, if you know what I'm sayin'," and I BELIEVE I totally knew what he was saying, and then I had inapproriate thoughts about said soul-patched friend, and I was all "EW!" and it so totally ruined that look for me. If YOU know what I'm sayin'.
- » 3/30/2005 1:45 PM
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Cat commented:
Kristine! Play NICE! I give you icky teeth, but "scary eyes"? But they're so EARNEST!
Hee. This is fun.
Wait. What's Bunco? Is that like Bullshit?- » 3/30/2005 1:48 PM
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commented:
Bunco is a dice game that is stupidly easy, so the game is more about socializing than it is about playing.
Some drink, too, so I guess it's a little like Bullshit.
See www.buncorules.com for more info.- » 3/30/2005 3:46 PM
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Cat commented:
Omygawsh, you are right, mamaramma! I actually did notice that, but didn't make the association... Someone wasn't playing nice, maybe? Hmmm! Oh no, more conspiracy theories...
Shaun, you are right to be afraid. Be VERY afraid...- » 3/31/2005 5:52 AM