Why not write my book? I have the whole summer, right?
As I mentioned yesterday, a young girl cranked out over 800 pages of her own Harry Potter, Book 6. Which, by the way, is scary fanfiction obsession to the max, I tell you what. Of course, we can assume that unless she is a child prodigy, though there may be an abundance of verbiage, well, the QUALITY may not be there, you know what I'm sayin'? I mean, she's frickin' 15! Although that was about the age of S.E. Hinton when she wrote The Ousiders. So you never know. But I digress.
Thing is, I had a brain fart a few years ago and wrote a young adult mystery novel, but have you ever looked back at something you wrote a while ago and thought, "Holy shnikes! What was I thinking?!" Well, that is totally this book. I still love the story idea, but I need to do some major revamping.
Oh MY! I better get crackin' on my new story board! And drafting a catchy logline! And setting up bio sheets on each character! Booyah!
Teaser:
I can't believe how cramped your foot can get when you've been scrunched in a science lab cabinet for almost an hour. I mean, I'm not a big girl, by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, my mother always used to call me "petite." Which was her nice, politically-correct way of saying, "Sam, girl, you equal el shrimpo poquito." So, whatever. But my foot? Totally asleep. And my laptop is wedged tightly between my stomach and knees as I type, so the comfort level is not high. But my story, it must be told. Oh, yes. Even if I suffocate on these nasty sulphuric fumes mingled with the faint stench of formaldehyde, so help me God.
Okay, fine. I have AP English fifth period and Miss L is insisting we write our memoirs. She calls it-- now how did she put it?-- "a therapeutic and beneficial experience, demanding both emotional honesty and bravery." Gag. I blame Benjamin Franklin. And Frank McCourt. Damn you, Angela's Ashes. I stalled, I griped, I claimed this assignment was nothing but an exercise in narrative tyranny, but Miss L simply laughed that hideous horse-laugh of hers and said, "Shush, you. Just try it." And my first chapter is due tomorrow.
But none of this explains why I am crammed like a pretzel into a science lab cabinet, huh? Hmmm. A question for the ages. Fact is, I'm dodging a crew of desperate St. James High School banditos who are out for blood. What? You don't buy that? Well, then you have obviously never "accidentally" ratted out the head of your local dirthead skate crew-- who incidentally, call themselves (wait for it...) the "Dudes"-- to the police for questioning in a skate-by mailbox clubbing incident.
You know what? I don't think I want to talk about it. Especially since this will be--
-- Oh my God! Is that a cockroach in my hair?! Get it OUT! Get it--
Oh. Piece of fuzz. False alarm.
Drips from the faucet are falling in the sink above my head. From where I sit, it is like the eerie, watery echo in the desert caverns I like to explore on the outskirts of St. James. Plop. Plop. Plop. I am fairly certain, judging by the twenty whole minutes of silence I've endured, that the Dudes have left the building. They are probably staking out my car as I write this. Hopefully, that car alarm Dad installed last weekend-- after someone left a dead rat in the driver's seat and scratched "Bitch!" into my dashboard-- is worth the two hundred bucks we spent on it.
Oh, ho ho. I am inspired. This is gonna be FUN!
9 Comments:
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Unknown commented:
Woo! A STORY! Cool!
*tap, tap, tap*
So... where's the rest of it?! :)
Are you done yet?
How 'bout now?- » 7/08/2005 10:54 AM
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Cat commented:
Oh my gosh, Kelli, you can't just write an entire 200-page book in ten minutes like that...
I should be done with it sometime tomorrow.- » 7/08/2005 10:57 AM
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commented:
I looove it! You can write, girl. Which I already knew. And lord knows we need some decent young adult fiction the kids can relate to. Especially with smart, funny female protags.
That cockroach thing? Fabulous.- » 7/08/2005 11:57 AM
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WILLIAM commented:
Soon you will be writing episodes of Veronica Mars.
- » 7/08/2005 12:37 PM
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Cat commented:
Dude. Why do you mock? Why you gotta be like that, huh?
Oh. That reminds me:
IS EVERYONE WATCHING VERONICA MARS?! ESPECIALLY THOSE OF YOU WITH NIELSEN BOXES?! DO IT!! DO IT!!
It's a purty good show.
Carry on.- » 7/08/2005 1:57 PM
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WILLIAM commented:
No mocking here. I think that you are one of the top 5 funniest bloggers that I know/read and one of the top 3 funniest commenters on mine and other blogs. You Rock.
- » 7/08/2005 3:59 PM
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Cat commented:
Oh.
Heh. Mark me down as embarrassed. Now stop, I'm blushing!
OMG! Shaun! Jacket designs? FUN.- » 7/08/2005 5:44 PM
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Bente commented:
Oooo, I'm intrigued! Can't wait for the entire series.
- » 7/08/2005 6:36 PM
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Unknown commented:
*tap tap tap*
Still waiting...
How 'bout now... are you done now?- » 7/08/2005 9:25 PM