OMG!
Oh. Em. GEE.
Okay, this here is why you should NEVER Google random people from your past just for kicks. I mean, the TRAUMA! You see, I used to date one of these guys! God help me, I did!
(DISCLAIMER: In case these guys are in the habit of Googling themselves-- I know, right? vain much?! gosh!-- and happen across this site, I must admit that I DID actually listen to their music samples and they are actually quite funny. Maybe even hilarious. With song titles such as The Wreck of the Bookmobile and It Ain't Home 'Til You Take the Wheels Off and I Wish I Had a Clapper to Your Heart, how could they help but be? They're like Jeff Foxworthy meets, uh, well... Jimmy Buffet or something! Yeah! Just thought I'd share.)
I mean, sure, my old "friend" had kissable lips and some mad crazy musical skillz (and you know girls only want boyfriends who have great skills...), and we did sing in a band together during my all-to-brief college musical career, but dude did have a hairy back. Not that there's anything wrong with that... But honestly? Once I discovered The Hair, it was- quite frankly- the beginning of the end of my infatuation, I tell you what. I can't abide them hairy backs, y'all. Brr... Hairy backs kill the love. Kill it dead. And I'm betting that back of his? Right now? Today? Still totally hairy.
Then there is the whole Um, Gee, He Sure "Filled Out" factor he has going on... Good LORD did he ever! Not that there's anything wrong with that... In fact, he's kinda got that Vince Vaughn thing going on there, you know, like, you can totally see that there could possibly have once been something cute, kinda hawt even, and most definitely charismatic under all that, uh, filled-outedness, but Jennifer Aniston sure ain't dating Vince for his current looks, you know what I'm saying?! Oh, ho, HO! No she's not. Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it. I totally loved Vince in Dodgeball , and he stole the show in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Woo! Fuh-NEE! But Vince? My bruthah? Why you gotta be like that, huh? All letting yourself go and boozing it up and shizz?... Why?!
Hmm... I wonder if Jen makes Vince shave his back? Because he totally strikes me as an incredibly hirsute fellow. Am I wrong? Oooh! Or maybe he's gone laser and does electrolysis?! I bet that is totally it! Not that there's anything... well, you know the rest.
But I digress.
Yep. Trailer Park Troubadours. Freak. TGIM will never let me hear the end of this. NEVAH! Whatev. I am SO not telling all y'all which one of these guys I used to lock lips with because, well, LOOK AT THEM! They are the freaking Trailer Park Troubadours! With pseudonyms like Antsy and Flem! FLEM?! What kind of name is THAT? Oh, wait. I get it. It's trailer park humor, right? Gotcha. I'm totally laughing on the inside. Cut it out! You're killing me! No, seriously. Cut it out.
Heh.
Well, the good news is, you have a 50/50 chance of guessing correctly. How do ya like THEM odds, huh?!
Oh, well that's just GRRRREAT. Now I'm talking like a Trailer Park Troubadour! The horror!
Google is the devil.
14 Comments:
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Nessa commented:
ummmmm - I've just got an inkling that it's Antsy
- » 12/08/2005 2:14 PM
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Nessa commented:
nope - it's FLEM! Antsy was raised in Kentucky...oh but wait, you did say "college" and I don't know if I know where you went...but maybe Antsy didn't go! HAH!
- » 12/08/2005 2:31 PM
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Unknown commented:
Ok, before I even go look at the link, I would like to comment on the whole Vaughniston thing...
Jen was married to BRAD PITT. How'd you like to be the next guy? Dude would have to be pretty secure in himself, you know? I mean, BRAD PITT. Vince Vaughn is COMPLETELY NOT BRAD PITT.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest...- » 12/08/2005 2:32 PM
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Unknown commented:
My money is on Antsy, too.
- » 12/08/2005 2:36 PM
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hemlock commented:
You are so right ern!!! Dang. (instead of fook...and oh so appropriate on this blog!!)
A guy I dated in high school was on the swim team and boy did he have a nice body.... he was vain enough to keep it though. Ugh.- » 12/08/2005 4:02 PM
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Cat commented:
ern: True that, my sistah. True that.
nessa: Covering all your bases, are ya? :) Good thinking!
CK: I KNOW, right?! Oh my lord, the pressure. Poor Vin... wait. What am I saying? He's doing the Hokey Pokey with JENNIFER ANISTON! I hope, for Jen's sake, that he doesn't have a hairy back. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
leafgirl77: Oooooh, a swimmer... Nice. Swimmers do it with breast strokes!... Or, um, wetly? Under water?
Help me, I'm drowning here...- » 12/08/2005 4:16 PM
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Bente commented:
My guess is Flem. And, hey, it could have been worse. I mean imagine if your google search brought up the America's Most Wanted page or something...
- » 12/08/2005 6:50 PM
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Bente commented:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
- » 12/08/2005 6:50 PM
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Bente commented:
Sorry, posted twice somehow and just removed the second.
- » 12/08/2005 6:51 PM
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WILLIAM commented:
You are right Cat. Women with hairy backs kill the love.
- » 12/08/2005 8:15 PM
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Annejelynn commented:
ha ha - "skillz"
- » 12/08/2005 9:32 PM
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Amy commented:
Aiy yai yai!
Is it Flem? You can tell me.
And those song titles. they are fantastico.- » 12/08/2005 10:08 PM
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commented:
I agree with the Aniston/Vaugh relationship because a girl should never date or marry a guy who is better looking or prettier than her!! If she does, then she'll always have to compete with him to be prettier. Could get heated.
- » 12/09/2005 11:17 AM
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commented:
that stuff ain't right!!! i was tryin' to comment on how your pix of your kidz are so cute that one of my ovaries burst right open and spewed eggs all over the floor...but you weren't allowing comments! wuz up wid that sh**?! ;) stop with the cute kid pix. you're making some of us go out and get pregnant. ;) ::hugs::
- » 12/09/2005 7:36 PM