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Desperate Working Mommas
Your one-stop site for fanatical television snarking, questionable political analysis, occasional attempts to address the parenting issues facing working mothers, and halfhearted promises to stop obsessing about the entertainment industry, already! Oh, not to mention the random bitching and moaning. There's always that.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Hold on to your hats, ladies and gents. We're gonna be Taking Care of Business in a FLASH tonight on AI.

(DISCLAIMER: I'm just writing this so I can stop obsessing-- for a small while, anyway-- about the Veronica Mars season finale which is on in... let's see... 8 more hours. 8! More hours! GAAAH! So excited! Dudes, I must chill... Also, all songs are subject to change. What? I don't know everything, gosh!)

Elvis Presley night, huh? Yep. The King is in the great hereafter (or Vegas, whatev) all, "Oh, hell no."

Here's the rundown, y'all:

Taylor (Woo!)
Dude's going to take on Jailhouse Rock and In the Ghetto. Methinks Taylor will do exactly what he did last week, and I mean that in the good way. Because he's gonna DANCE, y'all. He'll be all "Let's rock! Everybody let's ROCK!" while pelvic thrusting and hip swiveling and crazy-ass gyrating all over the place and quite possibly doing some sort of impromptu making out with the microphone action while running through the audience, and then he'll be like, "Dudes... a poor little baby child is born... in the ghetto," and he will be all soulful and mellow. And his momma will cry... in the audience.

And it goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway), Simon will absolutely hate both performances.

(Squeeeee! Veronica Mars is on tonight!)

Kat (Boobs.)
Girlfriend's chosen to tackle an All Shook Up/Hound Dog medley and Can't Help Falling in Love. Wise choices both. We can only hope she steps out of the box a little and just cuts loose on the medley-- you know, get all playful and sassy and whatnot? (a la Black Horse and Cherry Tree)-- and by DAMN there will be some hip swiveling or heads will ROLL. And here's hoping she chooses an uptempo UB40-ish version of Can't Help Falling In Love or it will... it will be... so... oh, so... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

(We're gonna find out who blew up the bus on Veronica Mars! Tonight! This very evening!)

Well, well, well... looky what we have here. Chris singing A Little Less Conversation and Suspicious Minds. Iiiiinteresting... Okay, I've tried to envision Chris doing A Little Less Conversation, but it just can't be done. I hate to admit this, but JPL will go down in AI history as The Really Sucky And Annoying Singer Who For Some Inexplicable Reason Kicked Major Ass Performing That Song. Good lord, people. And you just know that Chris will SO try to punk up Suspicious Minds, and Elvis will be like, "Bitch, please." I wonder what band he will draw "inspiration" from? And yes, those are my sarcastic quotes. We shall see.

(And seriously, how in the world did Veronica get chlamydia?! Did someone else find her passed out at Shelly Pomeroy's party? Is it possible she was raped last season, not just with Duncan, after all? Did Dick find her alone and... oh ew. Just... NO.)

Elliott (Vibra-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-to...)
Trouble and If I Can Dream? Hmmm...
Question: Does Elliott have the personality, charisma, and vocals for Trouble? Does he have the soul to pull it off?
Answer: Oh, absolutely not. No, indeed. Next question.
Question: Okay, well what about If I Can--
Answer: NO! Gosh.

(OMG! Logan's dad, Aaron Echolls, is SOOOO gonna whoop up on Logan and will totally be going after Veronica! I just know it! He totally wants her dead! Because she knows the truth, yo? GAAAH!)

Mere words cannot express how disappointed I am that no one will be singing one of my personal Elvis faves, Burning Love. For serious, guys. I feel my temperature rising just thinking about it! Higher... higher... It's burning through my soul.

And now we dance.

(Logan Echolls from Veronica Mars is) just a hunk, a hunk of burning love,
Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love,
Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love...

link | posted by Cat at 10:45 AM

Blogger Odd Mix commented:

Owwwwwwwwwwww! My head hurts from the whiplash there, Cat! But a fun read as usual!

» 5/09/2006 1:31 PM 
Blogger Mandy commented:

Ha! They haven't even sung yet and I'm laughing my ass off. You pretty much just recapped the entire show before it was even on!
I have to say, I'm excited for Taylor. I'm excited to see how Chris does with both of his song choices. Kat better be bouncy! And, I really hope Elliott can pull this off.
Check my blog out later for my recap! I look forward to yours, as usual!

» 5/09/2006 3:23 PM 
Blogger Nilbo commented:

Burning love? Is that what happens when you get chlamydia?

If there are no last minute changes (as so often happens), I'm calling poor, charisma-free Elliot to mercifully take his leave. I will miss him, if I try really hard to remember him ...

» 5/09/2006 5:18 PM 
Blogger Nilbo commented:

Ok, because I'm in front of the TV with my laptop and I have a drink beside me and nobody is around to make me move my ass to do anything ...

Taylor: I thought Jailhouse Rock was dorky and I got nothing new out of it. Fun ... ish, but I thought Siman nailed it with "bad karaoke".

In the Ghetto was better, but I didn't think it warranted the judges being over the top ... good job, not out of sight fab, and some lyric issues nobody mentioned ...

Elliot: both songs done well. In fact, exceptionally good performance on both songs. He puts me into a coma.

Chris: Terrific performance on Suspicious Minds - more subtlety than we've seen before, less yelling. The boy looked like he was sent back from the future to find Sarah Connnor, but other than that ...

Second song was a meh choice but he handled it OK ... not worth Randy and Paula's raptures, but what ever is?

Kat: Oh, dear. Oh, dear dear dear. I seriously fear for Kat. I don't buy the "tough theme for a girl" argument. If she picked the songs, it was a couple of mistakes but Elvis recorded some 300 songs, so you'd never run out of songs to sing and they weren't all testosterone fueled. There were lots Kat could have handled, but plain and simple, she didn't.

My Kat love is well documented, but I can't defend her tonight. I hope her fan base and the pity vote and whatever else is necessary kicks in and she can limp through for a week and let Elliot take the bullet for her.

In other news, Ryan called Paula a lap dancer. So the night wasn't a total loss.

» 5/09/2006 9:47 PM 
Anonymous kristine commented:

My lord, I have no idea how I watched AI without Cat and Nilbo.

Yah-al' STOP PICKING ON MY BOY THOUGH. He's going to make more money than all other AI contestants before him. I know this, because I am going to buy an AI cd for the first time.

DON'T YOU JUDGE ME! you own a constantine shirt and went to a concert.

I don't know, his voice brings me great happiness. Oh and Taylor was GREAT. Yeah, he got all whooing on the first song, but he danced and I missed that so much.

Cat...that smile can only get you so far...show me your boobs again and we'll think about keeping you.

Elliot - that little goat boy went the fuck off this week. BASTARD. I thought he was going to be moving on, but he might beat out Kat this week.

and that string around paula's neck? It wasn't tight enough.

» 5/10/2006 8:24 AM 
Blogger dashababy commented:

Nilbo is dead on, again.

Kris, you had me crackin' up over the string around Paulas' neck. Hilarious!
I think her lap dance would've been more entertaining to watch than watching Ell-iii-ooot sing tho. Ack! The boy does this thing with his lips. ANNOYING.

» 5/10/2006 10:43 AM 
Blogger Nilbo commented:

Wow. Chris.

THAT surprised me.

» 5/10/2006 7:33 PM 

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