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Desperate Working Mommas
Your one-stop site for fanatical television snarking, questionable political analysis, occasional attempts to address the parenting issues facing working mothers, and halfhearted promises to stop obsessing about the entertainment industry, already! Oh, not to mention the random bitching and moaning. There's always that.
Monday, May 22, 2006
With My Apologies to Oscar Wilde

It is my firm belief that there are evil, Faustian forces at work on the set of all the most popular soap operas on television. No, really. I wll explain, but first a little background:

I admit to being a Days of Our Lives fan back in the halcyon days of my youth, thanks to an open high school campus and a standing lunch date at my BFF's house. After we ate, we would wander down to the basement where her mother would be glued in front of the television set, shushing us and recapping at the same time.

"I can't believe Jennifer is falling in love with Jack after what he did to Kayla..."

"Marlena just found out that Roman isn't really her husband, but actually a man named John Smith who was brainwashed by Stefano DiMera to think he's Roman Brady, and now her real husband, the real Roman Brady, is back in town..."

"Victor Kiriakis had an affair with Caroline Brady and he's Bo's real father, not Shawn..."

I even dabbled in The Young and the Restless for a few summers-- you know, due to the slammin' theme music?-- but even Nadia's Theme (and special appearances by rocker Michael Damian) couldn't keep me interested. I was strictly a one-soap-opera gal. I still like the song, though. I play it often on my piano. Because it's pretty, yo?

And I must own up to being the driving force behind my mother's Days obsession. It wasn't my fault, really. It's not like I forced her to watch the recorded episodes with me every day after school during those three weeks she stayed with me caring for my six-week-old baby boy when I had to go back to work. That's all on her. Sorry, Mom. I'm just sayin'.

Honestly, though. Who could resist? Well, I could, actually, once they introduced the whole Marlena Is Possessed By The Devil storyline. One glimpse of Marlena floating in the air with red, devilish eyes, shouting and spitting in the most embarrassingly cheesy devil-voice imaginable, and that was it for me. The end of my rope. I stopped cold turkey, and I have never looked back.

Unfortunately for my mom, it took several more years of ridiculous supernatural storylines, rapidly aging babies (from two-years-old to sixteen! In one summer!), and retconning galore before she saw the proverbial light and switched off the madness.

But what does all this have to do with evil, Faustian forces at work on the set of all the most popular soap operas on television? It's simple really.

Every day during lunch at my workplace, a surprisingly large crowd of employees (of both sexes) park their butts at the tables in the lounge, break out their lunches, and tune in to The Young and the Restless. And these people? Well, let's just say they are active participants in the show.

"Oh, no, she did not just say that!"

"Girl, you better watch him..."

"She better slap his face for that... OH! That had to hurt!"

"Mm mm mm... Those Abbotts are no good."

And sometimes I-- while waiting for a free microwave, naturally-- may wander in and catch a glimpse or two of what is going down in Genoa City, and lately it has occurred to me that there MUST be this pact that I have described. Because seriously, guys? These actors? Over the past 18 years or so? They have not aged. Not one little bit.

[cue Twilight Zone theme music here]

I know, right?!

Thus the evil, Faustian forces at work, as the cast members have obviously entered into some sort of pact with the devil to retain their youthful beauty. I half-expect that if one were to search the back closets or rarely-used prop rooms on set, that hidden away behind a great curtain one would find portraits of all the cast members, portraits that are aged and bear the actors sins while their own outward appearances on screen remain beautiful and unchanged.

Freaky, huh?

Hey, I'm just saying that if someone finds the bloated body of an ugly old woman with a knife in her heart, lying next to a portrait of, say, Nikki Newman or Ashley Abbott, as beautiful as she was eighteen years ago, I wouldn't be surprised.

And yes, I do have far too much time on my hands at work.

link | posted by Cat at 12:34 PM

Blogger WILLIAM commented:

Victor had an affair with Carol Brady? Mike will be upset So will Bobby and Greg. But I bet Peter does not care.

» 5/22/2006 1:00 PM 
Blogger dashababy commented:

LOL. It is hard to keep straight with who's who and related to whosits.
Cat, I admit, I watch DOOL almost everyday. It is so stupid. I, like you, gave it up for awhile but got caught up in it again. Funny thing is that I can't watch it if someone else is in the room because I already know how stupid it is but I can't help myself.

Actually, I can watch it in about 10 minutes with Tivo because I fast forward thru all the flashbacks and talking to themselves repeatedly so there isn't much to watch without the commercials.

» 5/22/2006 1:11 PM 
Blogger Bente commented:

I am embarassed to say I started watching Days when Marlena was possessed. I was flipping through the channels one summer and she caught my eye and even though I thought it was ridiculous I got hooked. I don't watch it anymore, but in Australia the show is literally years behind.

» 5/22/2006 5:25 PM 
Blogger Misty commented:

I was a General Hospital fan in highschool but then Young and The Restless all through college and during my early childrearing times..I don't watch it regularly anymore but catch parts of it when I'm sometimes at a hair appt. in the summer..and wow. They DO NOT AGE. It is scary. Scary scary and even Sheila Carter was back causing trouble last summer.. things never change in soaps!!

» 5/22/2006 6:10 PM 
Blogger Odd Mix commented:

What kind of portraits do you suppose Dick Clarke and Bob Barker have?

» 5/22/2006 9:34 PM 
Blogger Nilbo commented:

You know Ryan Seacrest is actually 67, right? That he and Dick Clark are old college pals, which is how he got the NYE gig ...? You didn't know? Oh, sorry.

» 5/23/2006 7:38 AM 

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