Okay, there I was yesterday, a click away from erasing the unwatched AI results show from my TiFaux (yes, I totally skipped it last week... what?!) when I had a wild hair and thought to myself, Self? What the hey? So I pressed PLAY, and-- boy howdy!-- am I ever glad I did!
Honestly. Not only did my wee Ryan rock the house in his black-on-black ensemble (mini-rawr!), but for the first time this season, America managed to make the show interesting for me. No, seriously. I don't usually rewatch the results show-- honestly, lately I haven't watched at all, I've just fast-forwarded straight to the results-- but I rewatched this one. Twice. Then made TGIM watch it. Once. (What? There are limits to my abilities, y'all.) And to think I almost erased it unseen. Phew!
First of all, "Go, Kat! GO!" Good golly, Miss Molly... how hell-a-sexy was THAT?! One for the money, indeed. Nice moves, girl. NICE. Yep. I've been practicing that one all weekend, I tell you what. I'm gonna break it out one of these days, totally knock TGIM's socks off, you know.
Matter of fact, that whole Elvis medley seriously rocked. And why didn't Kat sing Are You Lonesome Tonight in the actual competition because PRETTY? They all looked like they were cutting loose, just having fun, and darned if I didn't enjoy watching it. And I am pretty sure I caught a glimpse of Simon clapping, guys, which just goes to show, right? I mean, Chris even smiled during Love Me Tender. Smiled! I know, right?! And he didn't even do that annoying foot-stampy thing too terribly much! And I especially liked it when they got to Burning Love because next to Suspicious Minds that's my absolute fave and did you see Kat and Taylor getting all crazy dancing together? I frickin' loved that. TGIM was all "Wow, Kat's got an ass on her" and I was like "You just noticed? Now sshhhhhh!" and he was like, "Well, I didn't say that was a bad thing" and I was all, "SSHHH!" And then I had to rewind and watch that part again. Yep. Good times.
Because second? Best. Result Show. EVER.
Among Ryan's cold-blooded segue into the elimination, the awesome Elvis medley group sing, Taylor's Jailhouse Rock redux, the surprisingly cute Kermit commercial, and Chris' barely-contained fury at being eliminated, that was the most fun I've had all season! I'm not even kidding. When Taylor started his encore Jailhouse Rock by breaking down his funky rhythm with Elliott's momma, I giggled, and didn't stop giggling until the drummer quit messing with him and ended the song so Taylor could revive from that seizure he was having on the stage. Dude just makes me laugh, what can I say? Good thing that was a fast song, though, because I've never heard some of those lyrics he was singing up there. But, hey... bonus points for creativity.
Seriously, when all hell breaks loose on live television, that's reality TV at its finest. I mean, the look on Simon's face alone made this results show worth the precious minutes of my day spent NOT obsessing about whether or not Veronica Mars will be renewed.
But I did notice that not so much talking went on after Ryan heartlessly crumpled Chris' dreams and spat upon them and drop-kicked them to the curb. Was it shock? Joy? Relief? Nausea? What? SO uncharacteristic of AI. I mean, Paula didn't even give her "Oh, Chris... you moved me..." speech. The hell?
To rectify this anomaly I have documented my own interpretation of what really happened that evening. It went down a little something like this:
Chris: What in the which where? WHO IN THE WHAT NOW?!
Kat: Nuh-freaking-uh! SHUT! UP!... okay, have I looked sad long enough? Can I Snoopy Dance now? Can I shake my boo-tay?
Taylor and Chris: YES! (*elbow pump*)
Randy: Dawg... I don't know... You laid it down, man... America?... Dude...
Paula: (*totally puking under the judges' table.*)
Simon: Well that's just PERFECT. America? You got it completely and utterly wrong... Good lord, we are effing screwed.
So, Chris was pissed-- like, seriously, he looked like he wanted to reach through the television and kill me dead-- but I can't say that I will miss the scary shouting man much. Buh-bye, Chosen One. I will miss the laser light shows and smoke machine pimpage. And if nothing else, at least you learned the new technique of singing with your diaphragm. Which I suggest you really try implementing before you give yourself an aneurism, by the way. Good LORD with the screaming. In all honesty, my love for Chris peaked and waned the night he rocked Bon Jovi's Wanted Dead or Alive. He should have eventually stepped up his game a bit, dropped the rocker shtick and showed a little versatility, because One Trick Ponies have a notoriously short shelf-life on AI. I'm just saying.
Eh. He lasted longer than Constantine. But whatever. No worries. Some shouty band like Fuel will snap him right up (if they haven't already), so it's all good.
All that being said, I have no freaking clue who will to win this thing now. I honestly though it would be Chris, what with all the pimping and superfluous praise. Things are getting interesting 'round here, y'all.
- dashababy commented:
I saw Chris/Shouty man on Regis and Kelly this morning singing Bon Jovis', "Dead or Alive", he rocked it fer sure, playin' his gittar.
And I thought he did Elvis' song "Love me Tender", great too! It was a good elimination show but I don't think I've ever seen anyone so pissed off before Chris. It was so wrong.
Ryan, that was not nice atall. Elliot should be gone, not Chris.
Sorry, movin' on now.
- » 5/15/2006 2:39 PM
- Well-heeled mom commented:
I know nobody believes me because my husband rolls his eyes in a "yeah right" kind of way, but I am finished with AI this season. That's right. America screwed up and got rid of the only one that should have won. Sure, maybe he screams a little - so what? He doesn't warble like Yamin or forget words like Kat - and maybe Taylor is okay, but come on. Idol??? Think Constantine, Bo..... Taylor? Me thinks not. Nope. Nosireee. No way. No how.
- » 5/15/2006 2:53 PM
- Random and Odd commented:
i'm so done being your friend. I thought DEAD.TO.ME. would have at least had you feel a little more love for me, BUT NO.
*shaking head* Cat...you hurt me, you hurt me real baaaad.
your word verification is:
Veronica Mars Is Going To Be Cancelled Soon.
Ohhhh...cat fight? maybe? come on. dukes up missy...DUKES UP!
- » 5/16/2006 2:51 AM
- Cat commented:
Kristine... you wound me. Can't we all just get along? Huh? American Idol is supposed to bring us together, not rip us apart! Don't be hatin'. Chris is in a better place, y'all. I mean, come ON... I didn't kick him off the show, AMERICA did, GOSH!
(And don't EVEN be messing with my Veronica Mars, now, y'hear?)
- » 5/16/2006 4:19 AM
- Random and Odd commented:
You know the power you have in this comment section. YOU KNOW.
You are the voice of America and you said, "Ohhh wouldn't it be funny..."
let me try this: I wish Britney would just learn how to strap her damn kid in a car seat.
- » 5/16/2006 11:03 AM
- Annejelynn commented:
I will be watching while packing my stuff tonight!
- » 5/16/2006 12:42 PM