Well apparently the judges and my wee Ryan are all about bringing back the UN!COMFORTABLE! But I have to give the judges their props, yo? They successfully picked the absolute perfect songs to showcase the singers' individual talents tonight. Very astute. I'm impressed. On the other hand, Clive Davis? On crack. Every year he picks the most ridiculous songs for the contestant. Hello? I Believe I Can Fly? Are you freaking kidding me, Clive?! Geesh.
My Completely Biased, Personally Opinionated Recap (proceed at your own risk.)
Open Arms: Why you gotta be like that, dawg? Picking one of Journey's bestest songs ever to freaking bleat out? And don't think I didn't notice that you COMPLETELY EFFED UP THE LYRICS. Good LORD, man. I can't even look at you right now. Effed up the lyrics! To Open Arms! I can't believe they let that obvious transposition pass. Wait, yes I can. The freakers. (But seriously, good save...) Honestly. Just don't be messing with Journey, dude. Step away from Journey. Speaking of, RANDY was in Journey? What the?! Who now?!
(Ryan and I both interrupted Paula at the exact same moment during her rainbow, puppies, fluffy clouds and flowers speech with, "But WHY did you pick the song?!" Heh. Me and Ry-Ry would so be BFF's.) (Call me.)
Some boring song I don't know: Meh. I'm sorry! I want to feel more than meh towards you, dude! You're all wee and Mr. Tumnusy, but COME. ON. Solid vocal, but boring. I'm sorry!
Another snoozer I totally don't know, GOSH: Not so much vibra-a-a-a-a-a-to. A little more personality, I suppose. Overall, tonight for you? Big bag o' suckage, man. I am so, so sorry.
I Believe I Can Fly: Wow. So, SO pretty! Not the song, I hated the song (because it is ridiculously stupid to believe you can fly and R. Kelly is a total perv, so there you go). I'm talking about you, girl. Good GOD, you look fabulous in that icy blue dress! And the shoes! My goodness, the shoes! That being said, when Randy of all people starts with "You look beautiful tonight...", the rest ain't gonna be pretty and that's God's honest truth. Stupid Clive and his stupid-ass songs.
("It's about song choice..." "Well, I didn't pick it!" Give 'em hell, Kat.)
Somewhere over the Rainbow: Ruby slippers! Ruby slippers! Did you see? Did you?! Awesome. Gah. About three-fourths of the way through the performance I turned to TGIM and said, "Dude, I think I just had an orgasm." 'Nuff said.
(How cute was Ryan telling Kat "that was beautiful..." all genuine and stuff? So, so cute! Even Ryan loves Kat! And he's... not gay!)
Ain't Got Nothing But the Blues: It pains me to admit this, but Simon was kinda, sorta... okay, totally right. You picked a cheesy musical theater type of song to end with (no offense intended Miz Ella. I'm just sayin'). Duh. But you can sing and you were having fun with it, and that? Totally counts for something.
Dancing in the Dark: This was the only song Clive got right. The more I hear, the more I love. The voice is husky, soulful (Woo! Soul Patrol! Hahaha! Wooooooo!), and completely recognizable as Taylor Hicks. And you went there. (He went there, y'all!) You pulled a BossMan Courtney Cox MTV move with Paula! You so did. Then you totally left her hanging, but hey, she worked it out. Straight up! Man. I miss Friends. The early years, naturally.
You are So Beautiful: Yeah, I hate this song, and all I hear is Alfalfa from the Little Rascals movie singing to Darla, "Yew awre so buh-yew-tiful..." but even Joe Cocker was all "daaayum!" when you hit that falsetto. Awesome. Besides looking extraordinarily constipated-- no, seriously, eat more bran-- I could literally see you feeling the song. Really feeling it. In your soul. So amazing. It brought out all of the best parts of you as a vocalist and a performer. "SoulpatrolsoulpatrolsoulpatrolsoulpatrolwooooosoulpatrolwooooosoulpatrolsoulpatrolWOO!" (Um, is he broken, guys? No? Phew!) For reals, dude, know when to cut. it. out.
Try a Little Tenderness: When you said you were going to sing this song, I was like, "YES!" (*fist pump*) and then I was all, "WOO! Soul Patrol!" We have established I am a complete dork, right? Everyone clear? Okay. I mean, ever since I saw Ducky "The Duckman" Dale lip synch and get down with his bad self to this song in the John Hughes classic "Pretty in Pink," I have loved it. LOVED it! And Taylor? You SO nailed it. And yes, that ending was ridiculous. (*hugs Taylor*) Signed, sealed, and delivered to the finale, my friend. Absofreakinglutely.
Okay. Here's the thing. The clear choice for the finale, in my humble opinion, would be Kat and Taylor.
Elliott is a great guy, he really is, but he doesn't have IT. He wants IT. I'm sure he'd buy IT if he could. He thinks a little IT would be oh-so nice. But really, he just doesn't have IT. And in all honesty, the American Idol should have IT, right?
Kat. She is having a hard time emotionally in this competition, not so much with her singing, but during the elimination phase. When those eliminations come around? Barf-O-Rama. How do you think she's lost so much weight? Huh? Just sayin'. Aaaaaand that, my friends, is how rumors get started. Let that be a lesson to us all. Anyhoos, what a fantastic, versatile, gifted vocalist. She is defintely the most technically proficient singer in the competition. She admittedly hits a spot in her upper register that comes off as slightly shrill, but I don't find it unappealing, and it does make her sound distinctive. And hot DAMN she's purty, and she can put on a show like nobody's bidness. I'd pay money to see her on Broadway. But I don't think she is American Idol material. And I mean that in the GOOD way.
But Taylor. Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. You either adore him or you loathe him, and I happen to adore him. I know he's spazzy and constipated and a freak of nature, but dude's got PRESENCE, which is what Elliott is lacking, and what Kat is just figuring out. I absolutely love when he gets all spazzy, I'm all, "Help! He's seizing! He's seizing! He's-- Oh, my bad. He's just gettin' jiggy." And then he's belting it out and even if I turn away, I still enjoy the song just as much as if I were watching it because he is just that charismatic. I'd pay to see him in concert. I'd buy his CD's, too. For reals. I don't care! I would! He has a distinct, soulful, husky sound that appeals to me. I can't deny it.
I definitely think Taylor is the frontrunner, the one to beat. I do. Note it.
But whatever, because up until last week I thought Chris was The Chosen One, and we all know how that turned out, so really, what do I know? America is a fickle lover.
- FutureFoodTVStar commented:
Ok. I totally agree with you on Taylor, but honey, I'm sorry... I have to disagree with the Kat/Elliot pick.
I'm not sure why, but I just can not stand those girls who think that singing in the stratusphere is GOOD... eh, not so much. Get back down here to earth, where the rest of us are. Thank you.
I tried all night to vote. I got in about 10 times for Taylor, but only got in once for Elliot.
- » 5/16/2006 10:14 PM
- Cat commented:
Fair enough, futurefoodtvstar, fair enough. Wouldn't the world be a WAY boring place if we all had the same tastes in music, art, literature, etc.? And you know what? I haven't voted since the Top Ten started and tonight I actually TRIED, but I coudn't get through. Bollocks!
- » 5/16/2006 10:36 PM
- Nilbo commented:
Once again, I totally agree. I love you. And simultaneous orgasms, to boot.
- » 5/16/2006 10:59 PM
- Susie commented:
OK, how can I leave my comment after Nilbo said what I wanted to say (except the O part)? I adore you, and I totally agree, have said so many of the same things. When Taylor ended "Try a Little Tenderness," I'm all, "whoa, he went a little epileptic on us there..."
I picked Taylor and Kat in the auditions, and I SO agree with everything you're saying. Kat is the most technically proficient, but she chokes, the pressure is too much. Taylor is ... I was actually wishing last night for a Soul Patrol T-shirt. (That is not something I would confess just anywhere.)
Although, if I remember my Boss correctly, Taylor messed up the lyrics to Dancin' in the Dark -- he sang, "I get up in the evenin'...come home in the mornin'...go to bed..." I was all, "dude, you got it backwards," but then, because it's Taylor, I thought, "that's OK, he works nightshift . . . hmmm . . . did Bruce work nightshift, too?" But I don't think so.
I wish more people could read your reviews, Cat. You are brilliant.
- » 5/17/2006 6:19 AM
- Nilbo commented:
Know what I've started to dig about Taylor? Dude has figured out the key to performing - and none of the others did. The key is, you don't "work" music ... you "play" it. Lookit buddy having FUN out there, and isn't it the most infectious thing you've ever seen, even if you're a tightass?
Kat's big successes before tonight have come when she was playful. She has endured what I think are pretty unfair judgements by some of the judges - and don't we all cringe when even RANDY starts with "Well, the good news is, you look aaight...". But when they've loved her, it's because she's been fun and playful and the smiles have been genuine ...
I never disliked Taylor, although he always felt a little pushed to me - like the girl in the bar who laughs just a leetle too loud. But I would never have bet he'd gone this far, and now I'd say he's even money or better to win it all. Which .. well, yay for old guys.
- » 5/17/2006 8:18 AM
- Cat commented:
Nilbo, that is so true. Nail? Hammer? Square hit? You betcha!
(and Susie, gosh, I'm blushing, you made my day!)
- » 5/17/2006 8:33 AM
- Well-heeled mom commented:
I can no longer watch American Idol. Sigh. There is nobody left worthy of the $17 I would have to spend on a CD.
- » 5/17/2006 8:57 AM
- kristine commented:
Oh lookie here, someone disagreeing with Nilbo.
I USE to love her. Before she ruined the outcome of the UNIVERSE!
Cat, I left you a comment on the post below.
and seriously, I didn't watch it.
- » 5/17/2006 9:44 AM
- not-so-normal mom commented:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
- » 5/17/2006 9:51 AM
- not-so-normal mom commented:
I just won American Idol tickets on the radio!!!! I am sooooo excited! I am Oh. So. Happy!!!!!!!!
- » 5/17/2006 9:59 AM
- Cat commented:
NSNMom, SHUT! UP! That is seriously awesome. Seriously. I really enjoyed myself last year when I got free tickets on my BIRTHDAY and saw them in DC.
I want to hear all about it afterward!
- » 5/17/2006 10:12 AM
- Nilbo commented:
Oh, and on further reflection, let me just say to Taylor: If you EVER point finger guns at me and wink again, you will be DEAD. TO. ME.
- » 5/17/2006 11:44 AM
- mrsfish commented:
I thought Chris should and would win, even though I wouldn't pay to see him in concert or buy one of his CDs. but I am happy that Taylor has a shot. I thought to myself last night - I would deffinately check out and probably buy a CD. I wonder what kind of original songs he would release. My hubby said he should be the next Wayne Newton - get his own showcase in Vegas. He would be a must see when you go to Vegas. :)
And I agree Cat, you do the best AI reviews out there.
- » 5/17/2006 4:11 PM