Even though they do it every year, when Ryan does the whole I'm Just Standing in the Dark La La La-Psyche!-We're in the Kodak Theater, Baby! reveal I'm all, "Oooooh! Aaaaah..." Every single time. Because of the bright lights? And the three tiers of balconies? And the thousands of adoring fans? Some of them celebrities? Honestly. How geeky am I?
*sigh*
Oooh, looky! It's Mandy Moore! Hey, Mandy! Loved you in Saved! Hilary Faye rocked it when she threw that Bible at Mary and was all, "I am FILLED with Christ's love! You are just jealous of my success in the Lord." Remember that? And then she was like, "I told you! How great is Jesus?" Remember? Heh. That was awesome.
Oh my LORD. Is that... could it be... no... is that... could that be Constantine? Over by Bucky? And Kellie (with those stank-ass hair extensions removed so she actually looks way cute)? It IS?! Um, okay, I officially request to no longer be considered his fan, guys. Get out of my living room, stinky man, and go take a shower! Wash that hair! And for the love of God, get some sleep. Then we'll talk.
Now, without further ado...
Kat
Black Horse and the Cherry Tree: Nicely done. Kickass drummers. But just not as sexy as last time. Where were the hot and dirty blues? So sad.
Over the Rainbow: Damn. I repeat, damn. (*fans self*) And how cute was her giddiness about starting the song on key despite a mysterious earpiece malfunction? So, SO cute, that's how cute!
My Destiny: Good GOD. Bring back Inside your Heavenly Hoo-Hah, yo? AI totally sandbagged my girl with that original song, and by original I mean "so sucky no one else will sing it so we shall force one of the AI finalists to perform it in front of millions of people because she can't say 'No effing way!'" Come on. It was not even remotely suited to her voice and was obviously written by some cliche-addicted songwriter who-- apparently lost in the 90's-- said to herself, "I know what this song needs... gospel singers!" You know, instead of playful, heartfelt lyrics and a melody in at least the same zip code as the singer's range?
Making her sing that song was like handing her a beat-up old Schwinn and telling her to race the Tour de France with it. And she totally knew it, didn't she? I mean, she couldn't even pretend to like the song. You could see her just give it up halfway through.
That being said, Kat? Pleats + Bow + Finale Dress = Oh, HELL No. My advice? Get a new stylist. STAT.
Poor Kitty Kat.
Taylor:
Living for the City: Shut UP, Taylor's jacket. I'm trying to listen. Oooh! I'm so happy he brought back the funky Life in the City circular dance move of joy! I've been practicing that one, y'all. I had to rewind so I could dance it with him. I HAD to. Woo! Definitely his best performance of the night.
Oh, and Paula? Maybe your top did exactly match with Taylor's crushed velvet jacket (good LORD), but I can't say for sure because after I hit the floor, having been rudely shoved out of TGIM'S line of vision amid his excited yells of "Look! Her left boob! That's sucker's about to pop right out of her top!", I think I may have lost consciousness for a moment. Floor's hard. I'm thinking we should install carpeting. So put the girls away, you maniac.
Levon: Eh. Not bad, but not his best, either. And I absolutely adore this song, too, so color me disappointed.
Do I Make You Proud: Oh, yes, honey, you do. Good on you, Tay. Good on you. Just keeping it real, dawgs [/Randy's voice], Taylor was off during the first part of the song, but once he dropped the dreck and unleashed the woo! and the Soul Patrol! ticks, he found his groove (and his key) and did it Taylor-style. Which is-- to me, anyway-- a GOOD thing. Dude's soul is in his voice. And he makes me smile. I think that's worth something.
Oh my goodnes, how much must the AI producers hate Chris? Because showing Chris' murderous WHO IN THE WHAT NOW?! face in the video during Daniel Powter's Bad Day performance was all sorts of cruel. I was like, "Guys! He's sitting right there!" Cruel, I tell you. Yet, still funny. No matter how may times I see it. He's just so PISSED, you know? Hee hee.
Sooooo... although I think both performers did well tonight-- Kat finally using her head voice and whatnot, and Taylor just being Taylor-- I have to say I (woo!) think Taylor (soulpatrolsoulpatrolsoulpatrol!hahahaha!soulpatrol!woo!) has the AI title signed, sealed, and delivered. Of course, we'll have to sit through two excruciating hours of filler, guest performances, sappy videos from home, and painful Top 10 group sings (Chicken Little! GAH!) before we hear the news officially, but hey, I'm willing to power through. For posterity's sake, naturally.
Cat... out.
18 Comments:
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Not-So-Normal-Mom commented:
I'm in the Soul Patrol!!! I loved Taylor's original song! It made me proud. Really, it was just lovely. Alas, America is a fickle lover and we won't know until tomorrow night who the winner is, but I am betting on Taylor! Woo Woo! Soul Patrol! Nice recap, Cat.
- » 5/23/2006 11:39 PM
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Ern commented:
Am I too suspicious, or do you think that they fiddle-farted with Kat's earpiece on purpose? It seemed like between that and the Suckiest Song Ever that the producers really had it in for her.
I like her. But I like Taylor too. I think she has a better voice. But Taylor has more originality. I'm Switzerland! Sorry.- » 5/23/2006 11:59 PM
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Ms. Junie commented:
I sooo want Taylor to win. I want him to win and clap for himself and woooo up a storm.
Constantine..who i have loved did look like he'd aged a bit..i was a little scared. sigh..- » 5/24/2006 4:57 AM
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Ms. Junie commented:
ps..they are noticeably not as nice to Katharine..and i wonder about that. I mean if Taylor doesn't hit all the notes perfectly its no biggie but if K. messes up even the slightest bit they mention it..i honestly notice a difference in how they've treated her lately--and it isn't that i even want her to win..I just wonder why they treat her as they do.
- » 5/24/2006 5:17 AM
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Ms. Junie commented:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
- » 5/24/2006 5:17 AM
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Vajana commented:
Although I have not watched since the "Queen" episode, I think Taylor has been rigged to win it all along. I shall miss your recaps. And thank goodness I did not watch to hear "Levon" be butchered, tis one of my faves.
- » 5/24/2006 5:58 AM
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Susie commented:
Yay! That one's for you. Kat has a very bright future. I'm pretty crazy about Taylor. I loves me a white soul man.
- » 5/24/2006 7:40 AM
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Well-heeled mom commented:
Simply because he has never been in the bottom three, Taylor deserves to win. Of course, we saw what happened to Chris, so what do I know.
- » 5/24/2006 8:47 AM
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Trop commented:
I love Katherine and really want her to win, but I think Taylor will take the prize. I agree, they wrote a terrible song for her.
I'm going to miss your recaps! Thanks for a great season.
P.S. I love SAVED!
Veronica: Roland is so blessed to have such a thoughtful sister. You know, in countries like China, Hilary Faye would probably have been killed at birth.
Hilary Faye: And then where would you be, Roland?
Roland: China.- » 5/24/2006 12:13 PM
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Nilbo commented:
I could mnot agree with you more if you had rolled over and whispered all this in my ear before breakfast.
I have to constantly fight the grassy knoll thoughts, but damn, it seems like there is an inordinate amount of pimpin' for Taylor. The thing is, I don't see him needing it - I doubt whether Elliot or Chris's votes will go to Kat, so while some of their fans will have stopped watching or voting, many will just switch to Taylor. I think he'll win and I don't think it will even be close, although we might not ever know that.
As I said while commenting from my laptop last night - Taylor is the Idol, Kat has to settle for the most meaningful career. So, who wins?
And Cat - you can renounce your love for Constantskeez ... but he is going to be on your permanent record.- » 5/24/2006 12:26 PM
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Random and Odd commented:
SHOULD.BE.CHRIS.
'nuff said.- » 5/24/2006 4:28 PM
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Ms. Junie commented:
And I need to say just at this halfway point of the finale--OMG its so good. And Ace does look delicious and so does Chris..How come all the shows weren't THIS good?
- » 5/24/2006 6:48 PM
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Susie commented:
Soul Patrol! :)
- » 5/24/2006 8:05 PM
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Ern commented:
Prince: Yummy 20 years ago, delicious now. :)
- » 5/24/2006 11:30 PM
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Nilbo commented:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
- » 5/25/2006 7:06 AM
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Nilbo commented:
Never quite got Prince's appeal to heterosexual women. Good music, though.
I tell ya, I might not pay for a Kat McPhee CD, or tickets to a Kat McPhee concert, but I would by God pay for the Kat McPhee edition of Maxim Magazine.
Best moment of the show, for me - the Clay Aiken wannabe getting a surprise. Gotta say, I hope when he got backstage later he just took those pants off and burned them.
Worst moment: Chris Daughtry with Live. I suggest they induce Chris into a coma (turnabout IS fair play, after all), and just carry him around on tour with them, harvesting spare parts as needed.
Meatloaf and Kat scared me, initially. I thought he'd shred her. Instead, he either pulled back to help her look good or his voice is so ragged after a couple of decades that he just can't get there from here. Either way, a nice duet. Now, as to Taylor and Toni? Yoiks. Was she even told which song they'd be doing, and had she heard it before they stepped out onstage?
Nice "duet" with Mary J. Blige, Elliot.
The boyz come out to do a group number. Damn, I'd forgotten about Gayce. He is sooo going home with Ryan.
The girls come out and do a bunch of "Women" songs. Wearing black, which is, of course a slimming colour. Oh, dear. Yeah, it's "slimming", not "magical".
*******
Producer A: "Know what would be hilarious? Having Kat sausaged into a dress that would make even Ginger Rogers say "Nuh-uh, can't be done", then putting her onstage to do something from "Dirty Dancing".
Producer B: "AND ... we could have it be a duet with Taylor!"
Producer A: "I am not worthy."
*****
The producers on this show really have to learn when enough is enough. Kellie being stupid a month ago? Cute - ish. Now? (yawn).
All in all ... it was an OK finale. I'm sated. No hurry for the show to return. Let's move on with our lives, and maybe, in some grand levelling of karma, something good will happen to us all for having to endure Kevin Covais.
And in time, this season will fade into memory, and we won't even recall who that guy was ... you know, that guy, looked like a goat boy ... come on, you remember, he finished in the bottom two a bunch of times but clung on by his fingernails for so long .. what the hell was his name ...?
I wanna hear from Cat about all this.- » 5/25/2006 7:12 AM
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Susie commented:
(holding up lighter) Cat! Cat! Cat!
- » 5/25/2006 8:18 AM
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Nilbo commented:
(reaching into pocket for lighter, then remembering nobody in my goddamn generation smokes anymore, so who has a damn lighter?)
Cat! Cat! Cat!- » 5/25/2006 9:02 AM