No, not TGIM. This time.
No, I had to leave work early yesterday after I received a call from my daughter's elementary school nurse. The conversation went something like this:
Nurse: Hi. This is the nurse from your children's school. I have your daughter in my office. Okay, we found a louse so someone needs to come pick her up.
Nurse: A louse. In her hair. Someone needs to pick her up.
Momma: I don't understand.
Nurse: You daughter has lice.
Momma: No she doesn't.
Nurse: I'm afraid she does.
Nurse: Now, listen!
Momma: You are mistaken.
It went like that for a good while, until my scalp started to itch. Then my eyebrows. In a matter of minutes, after suddenly imagining other places those tricky cooties can take up residence (if you know what I mean), I went from normal Desperate Working Momma Mode to Full-on Panicked Desperate Working Momma with a FREAKING LOUSE IN THE HOUSE Hyper-mode! You know.
I thought about snuggling in bed with my daughter the night before as I put her to sleep. I thought of letting her crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night because she had a scary dream. Scary dream, nothing! I could NOT stop scratching. GAH! They were everywhere!
The nurse kindly assured me that several children in my daughter's class had lice, and that getting lice has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with cleanliness, but I could tell. She was JUDGING me.
I ran to my boss' office to let her know I had to leave early to pick up my daughter.
"She's got lice!" I shouted, ripping out my ponytail to get better access to my scalp.
My boss eyed me warily. "Please... go," she said with a tight smile, her hand absently scratching her head.
So I rushed to my daughter's school, ran to the nurse's office, and yelled, "Check me! Check me!" I pushed some random little kid out of the way and squeezed into the itty-bitty, kid-sized cootie chair. The kid nurse obliged me and informed me I was bug free.
Huh. Sympathy itch.
My daughter proudly showed me her louse, which the nurse had so thoughtfully placed in a Ziploc bag for her. Of course, I took a moment to admire it before I squished it mercilessly and threw it in the nearest trash can.
I assured her there would be plenty more where that came from, and by damn, if I wasn't right! You should see those things scamper to the surface when you put on the RID shampoo! It's just like an arcade game, I tell you! Squish the Louse! 20 points! Pick the Nit! 50 points!
My daughter has long hair. Honestly, I literally nit-picked for hours! Legitimately! Overall, I'd say I probably racked up well over 2000 points.
Unfortunately, the harsh chemicals in RID are more irritating to the skin than the bugs, so tonight we're going to try slathering her hair in olive oil, which I have since learned kills the lice more effectively. Then I'll nit-pick some more. Because I'm the momma. That's what I DO.
- Mike commented:
OMG, you are killing me. Mostly, I think, because my wife absolutely can't stand bugs (especially ants)and I can totally see her reacting the same way to that call. I may have to plan some kind of "emergency getaway" for the day it finally happens because she will then go into a sanitation whirlwind around the house the likes of which you have never seen before!
- » 3/15/2005 11:01 AM
- Cat commented:
Oh, did I forget to mention that EVERYTHING in my house that could not be RID shampooed or thrown into a washing machine filled with boiling hot water has been thoroughly (albeit frantically) misted with delousing spray or locked away in super-sized Ziploc bags for two weeks until those cooties are long dead? DID I? Oh. Well, there you have it.
"Sanitation whirlwind" is absolutely apropos, I tell you what! I hope you (and she) never have to deal with it, 1) because EW!, and 2) because if you abandon her to that frenzy, I bet she'll DIVORCE your sorry ass! Oh, I kid. Kind of. ;)
- » 3/15/2005 11:55 AM
- mrtl commented:
This is making me all itchy. When I was teaching, lice came up from time to time. I had major sympathy itch, and not just on my head. That was awful.
- » 3/15/2005 8:29 PM
- Cat commented:
Good lord, woman, THIS I did NOT need to hear! Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no...
- » 3/16/2005 5:09 AM