Conversation overheard outside orthodontist's consultation room yesterday (my 10-year-old inherited my teeth, poor boy):
"Wait... that's his mother?! I thought it was his sister!"
The hell?!
Now, I realize I look a tad young and I admit to being somewhat vertically challenged... but it's not like I'm a midget or anything. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Midgets are cool! And short! I mean, I'm totally almost 5'6"! If I were 3 inches taller! Honestly... just because I had my hair in pigtails... okay, that could have conceivably sent mixed age signals, but just because I was wearing cutoffs and my Aerosmith Live Bootleg t-shirt (don't judge! it was my Work At Home day! plus, comfy!) doesn't mean I'm a ten-year-old's sister. Come on. Do teenagers even know who Steven Tyler IS? I don't think so. 'Sha! Way to be perceptive, Mr. Ivy League Orthodontist Guy. Nice to see that outrageously expensive education didn't go to waste or anything. And it's not as if I can do anything about the freckles either-- hey, I've tried, believe you me-- but geez. I had the CREDIT CARD, people. Come on.
Okay, sure, sometimes the youthful appearance can be useful, even downright fun. Oooh! Like there was that whole thing that I used to do when I was a teacher and parents who didn't know me personally would come into my classroom and ask me when the teacher would be back and I'd be all, "Gosh, she won't be back for, like, at least 45 minutes!"-- because hello? occasionally antisocial much? -- and they would GO AWAY. For reals. HOO! And sometimes it was funny when I'd be walking the halls between classes and I would hear, "Hey, where's your hall pass young la-- oh, hahaha. Sorry Mrs. Cat. I thought you were a kid!" And I'd be like, "Hahaha THIS, Principal Berry!" and make a rude gesture. But not really because it would be stupid to piss off my boss. But don't think I didn't imagine it because that can get old real fast. Yep. Good times, those.
You can imagine the good times I had when I had just turned 21 and was old enough to get into bars, casinos, strip clubs, what have you, totally on the up-and-up, you know, all legal-like and stuff.
Oooh, now I'm feeling nostalgic.
I remember this time soon after my birthday when I went to the casinos in Laughlin, Nevada... WITH MY PARENTS... and security kept skulking in the shadows, following me around the floor, accosting me at the slot machines. Finally I went to the change counter, showed the guy my ID, and had him stamp my hand with a big, red "OK." The rest of the night I'd just flash that sucker at security when I'd catch them lurking about and they'd back off.
It gets better.
There was also that time my friends took me dancing on Under 21 Night and I went into the 21 And Older ONLY bar area for water, seriously, WATER, and the bartender was all, "You can't be in here," and I was like, "I just want water," and he got all up in my grill about it and I was like, "Bring it ON!" and flashed my ID at him and he TOOK it! And wouldn't give it back! And then he called in security! The bastard. And they took my license from the bartender and I'm like, "You guys are STEALING my driver's license!" and they were all, "Mwah ha ha! Prove it, you Totally Not 21 Yet Person!" and then they made me sign my name on a piece of paper so they could match it to my license signature.
Okay, here's where things went terribly wrong. You see I was young, just 21, and I was going through this phase, you know, experimenting? Anyway I had just recently changed my signature from upright and round-lettered to slanted and mysterious. Come on, don't judge, I was 21. It was college. Experimenting was expected, right?! Trouble is, in my anger and haste, I signed the paper with my old upright and round-lettered signature, but my new license had-- you guessed it-- my newer, sexier, slanted signature.
"Ah-HA!" the cops said and began to drag me out.
"Wait! Let me try again!" I dug in my heels and held onto the bar, totally resisting arrest. "I gave you the wrong signature! Let me do it over! I want to do it OVER!"
They weren't buying it.
"Okay, but you guys are going to feel reeeeally stupid when you run my information and find out I'm really 21..."
Boy were THEIR faces red when I signed again, I tell you what. And the college picture ID I had on me that just happened to have my old signature on it helped, too. Dorkwads. I never got my water.
Eh. Overall, I suppose it's not a bad thing that I don't look my age. Truthfully it's only ever really an issue when I'm trying to get into a club, or gambling, or buying guns and ammo. TGIM tells me I should be flattered. I tell him he should watch his back because he's the dirty old man banging the young chick.
Heh.
12 Comments:
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commented:
Kristine: "Shea! come here, you have to see this video!"
Watches Cat's Snakin' Tutorial.
Shea: "She's kinda crazy."
Okay, so Shea came home today and she showed me that she can do the wave and the snake.
Remember when we said our kids would totally get along? I'm thinking YOU and Shea might really get along.- » 6/08/2006 5:04 PM
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commented:
Okay, I have to say that when people ask me what you're like in person (inquiring minds want to know!) the first thing I say is, "She looks EVEN younger than you think. Seriously, SO young."
Um, sorry? But seriously, yo, it's a good thing.- » 6/08/2006 7:54 PM
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Odd Mix commented:
See, Kristine thinks you are a teenager, too!
You crack me up.- » 6/08/2006 8:37 PM
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Odd Mix commented:
Oh, and I have officially given Blogger the finger. I have imported my entire site to WordPress, comments and all. I will be posting there from now on. It was easy, it was clean, it was free, and best of all... it WORKS!!!!
http://oddmix.wordpress.com
You might want to change the link in your sidebar when you get a chance.- » 6/08/2006 8:59 PM
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Ern commented:
Unfortunately, I don't think they teach important pop culture references (like about big-lipped, skinny wailers, or TomKat) in dental school.
And I am SO jealous of how young you look, yo. Not that I look old or anything, but I'm never going to be mistaken for my future kids' sister, that's for sure!- » 6/08/2006 11:26 PM
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Vajana commented:
I was at a skating party last year for my oldest daughter, and I went SKATING unlike the other soccer moms there, and when I got off the rink one of the moms said, "Are you home from college?"
Umm...no. That's my kid over there.
I think it's lotza fun!!- » 6/09/2006 6:52 AM
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Unknown commented:
YAY for looking younger! :)
You'll be totally grateful when you're 80. :)
Hmm. I hope you don't have any trouble with getting your senior citizen discounts, though... that would suck.- » 6/09/2006 6:54 AM
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WILLIAM commented:
I LOVE that picture. Looking young is what keeps the guys hitting on you in the produce aisle.
- » 6/09/2006 7:01 AM
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Nilbo commented:
My wife came out to the car and scrabbled at the door to get in, she was so frantic. A patient had asked her about her last name, and who she was related to. She said she was related to me, and the patient said "Ohh, I can't wait to get home and tell my husband I was treated by Nils Ling's daughter!"
My wife is two weeks older than me.
So yeah. Fucking whine about looking young, why dontcha?- » 6/09/2006 9:39 AM
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Cat commented:
Oooh, Nilbo.... BURN! I bet your wife had fun with that for WEEKS.
My parents have the reverse problem. People often mistake my dad for my mom's son, and he's almost a year older, for heaven's sake! I think it's because he utterly refuses to ask for a senior citizen's discount (paging Mr. Vanity), and-- yeah, right-- like my mom's letting THAT deal fly by without a fight. There's also the whole hair thing, with my dad's freakishly dark, thick head of hair next to my mom's stylin' salt and pepper 'do.
The moral of the story is that if you want to get cheap eats, go out to eat with my MOM, not Dad. Let that be a lesson to us all.
And I'm not so much whining as... well, yeah, okay, I'm whining. Deal.- » 6/09/2006 10:04 AM
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Ms. Junie commented:
Perfect timing--(for reading this post) I just came from the Chinese restaurant we go to-the woman there almost fell over when she found out I was 40. She kept saying "I thought you like 25!!) she hits her sister and says "SHE 40!!) and they both stare at me like I'm a freak of nature and then ask what i use on my skin and then say "What do you eat? Do you eat anything special to make your skin young? " I said "Chinese food?"
- » 6/10/2006 5:25 PM
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Cat commented:
Misty, you totally win Cat's Excellence in Extemporaneous Snarking award!
Because that? Classic. Go you!- » 6/12/2006 1:04 PM